The Fight Within Chapter 1
by Fancy0122
Summary: After a mission goes horribly wrong and Sam is critically injured, she has to fight a different kind of fight...within herself...with a little help from her old CO.
1. Chapter 1

"Take cover!" yelled Cameron, ducking behind a rock to avoid enemy fire. The others did the same.

"We need to get to the gate," yelled Sam returning fire, "and we need to get there now. We can't hold them off much longer."

"Daniel?" yelled Cameron.

"Here," said Daniel.

"You got the artifact?" yelled Cameron as he too returned enemy fire.

"Got it," said Daniel, securing their newest find in his backpack. This exploration on PX5-426 had started out as routinely as any other, exploring a new planet looking for new technology. When the team arrived here on the first day, there was no civilization to be found. It seemed that the people of this world were no longer here, and so the day passed without incident. They had studied the surrounding area, but concentrated on a dilapidated temple that Daniel had found interesting when viewing the MALP video feed. He thought the Ancients might have built it and so they were off to check it out. The mission went well, and as the second day dawned, they were packing up to get back to earth when they were ambushed by enemy fire. They were being fired on with some sort of energy weapon, not unlike the staff that T'ealc carried. They couldn't see their enemy very well, their faces covered by masks, but what they could see was that there were a lot of them. This routine mission had quickly become a retreat for their lives.

"Sam?" yelled Cameron.

"Yeah?" she yelled back, firing the whole time.

"Think you can make a run for the gate with Daniel while T'ealc and I lay down cover?"

"I think so," said Sam.

"Daniel?" yelled Sam.

"Let's do it," he said.

"Ok, you guys ready?" asked Sam.

"Go! Go! Go!" yelled Cameron.

Sam and Daniel broke into a sprint and headed straight for the gate, about 50 feet away. They were doing well avoiding the weapons fire around them.

"Dial us up Daniel," yelled Sam over the noise of the energy weapons, "I'll hold them off."

Daniel went to the DHD and started to dial while Sam returned fire. "Cameron," called Sam through her radio, "Daniel's dialing, let's go."

"Roger, we're on our way." Cameron signaled to T'ealc and the two headed for the gate.

Daniel was on the last symbol when he was hit in the shoulder by a weapon.

"Aaahh" gasped Daniel as he fell to the ground.

"Daniel!" yelled Sam as she made her way over to him. "You alright?"

"The last coordinate…." Said Daniel, "Dial the last coordinate…"

Sam stood up to dial in the last symbol and was immediately hit in the back by an energy blast. "Aaaaahh" She fell to her knees, but not before getting the last symbol in completing the dial up. Daniel watched as she fell, hitting her head on the DHD and landing in a heap next to it.

The gate let out it's "whoosh" as Daniel made his way to her, staying low to avoid getting hit again. "Sam!" He turned her over and felt for her pulse, it was faint. "Sam?" She was hit in the lower back and she was unconscious. She had a large gash on her forehead.

"Daniel!" yelled Cameron, "Get to the gate. Teal'c, get Sam. C'mon let's go…."

Cameron continued to lay down fire as T'ealc picked up Sam and headed for the gate. Once T'ealc and Daniel were through, Cameron made a dive through the event horizon and the wormhole closed.

On the other side of the gate a medical team was working on Daniel and the doctors were assessing Sam. "Let's get her to the infirmary STAT. She's losing a lot of blood."

Daniel, T'ealc and Cameron watched as the medical team took their friend away, each of them saying a silent prayer that she would be all right. She had to be.

Cameron and Daniel paced the hallway outside of the infirmary, waiting for news of Sam's condition. Teal'c was seated, deep in meditation.

"It's been like hours hasn't it?" asked Cameron as he continued his pacing, nervously tapping his fingers on his thighs as he paced.

"I dunno, seems like it," said Daniel, wincing at his sore shoulder.

"It has been 2 hours and 38 minutes," said Teal'c coming out of his meditation.

Cameron stopped his pacing to stare at Teal'c, "You kept track."

Teal'c looked at Cameron, a quizzical look on his face, "Of course. The longer Colonel Carter is in surgery, the more concerned I am becoming."

"I know the feeling," said Daniel, "Why won't anyone tell us anything?"

The door to the infirmary opened as Daniel finished his sentence, "I couldn't tell you anything when I didn't know anything now could I?" asked Janet.

The three men jumped to surround Janet, "Well," asked Cameron, "How is she? Is she going to be alright?"

Janet rubbed her eyes, "Her head wound isn't as bad as it looked. It's a pretty severe laceration, but she's lucky. She didn't seem to hit her head hard enough to cause any lingering problems. However…"

"Oh I don't like the sound of your however, doc," said Cameron.

"Me neither," said Daniel.

Janet looked at Teal'c, "Nothing to add?"

"Please, Dr. Frasier, proceed."

"Ok. However, the hit was hard enough to cause a concussion. Don't expect her to wake up anytime soon though, I put her into a drug induced coma, at least for a day or two."

"A drug induced coma?" asked Daniel, "Why? What else aren't you telling us?"

Janet took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes, "The head injury isn't what I'm worried about. It's the hit she took in her lower back."

"What about it?" asked Cameron.

"Sam was lucky, somewhat. Another inch and it would have directly hit her spinal cord, probably severing it. This hit just missed the spinal cord, however it managed to destroy a hell of a lot of nerves around it. Basically, the hit took out the nerves going to her lower right back and her right leg. It's like it cut the wires running the current through from her spinal cord to the muscles."

"So she's paralyzed!" said Daniel, clearly taken aback by such a dire prognosis.

"For now," said Janet. "And only the right leg. That's the reason we were in surgery for so long. We had to reconnect everything on that side. Now, if everything takes, she'll be ok, eventually."

"What does 'eventually' mean exactly?" asked Cameron.

"Even if we had gotten everything exactly the way it was first time, and I think we did, she still has a lot of rehabilitation ahead of her before that leg will be functional again."

"But I thought that if the nerves were reconnected, well shouldn't everything just work again. Kind of like reconnecting the wire?" said Daniel.

"In theory, yes, but there is no way to know just by looking at them, which nerves did what in terms of controlling things like muscle movement to that extremity. Sam is going to have to give those nerves time to relearn their functions."

"So you are saying that even in the best case scenario, Colonel Carter will have to re learn how to maneuver on that limb?" asked Teal'c.

"Yes," said Janet, "Look, guys, this isn't going to be easy for her. You know Sam; she likes to fix the problem that's in front of her. But she can't fix this in one sitting. It's going to take time for her body to heal enough for her to try to start rehab, but she can't change how long that is. I think this is going to be tough for her, and we'll all need to be there for her."

The three men all nodded, "When can we see her?" asked Daniel.

"You can go in now if you like. Remember, she's in a coma for now. I want her to be as still as possible for the first few days after the surgery to give those nerves the best chance to settle in a bit. But talk to her. She can hear you. But stay as positive as you can. I'll check on her later." She patted Daniel on the back, "She'll get through this." He nodded, "Now go on in and see her."

"You guys go on in, I need to make a call," said Daniel, and disappeared down the corridor and into Sam's office. He picked up the phone and dialed. "C'mon, pick up, pick up. Uh hello? Hey, it's Daniel. Uh, no, everything's not all right. No, how fast can you get here? Um, it's Sam. Bad, really bad. Ok, we'll see you soon." As Daniel hung up the receiver he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. His gaze fell on Sam's laptop and a piece of technology she had been working on before the last mission. Everything was just as she left it. Just waiting for her to walk back in. Daniel put his glasses back on, "She'll walk back in here. He said softly to himself. She has to." He put on his glasses and exited the lab towards the infirmary.


	2. Chapter 2

When Daniel entered the infirmary and saw Sam he would have sworn she was just sleeping. She looked very peaceful, if you ignored the gash on her forehead. Teal'c and Cameron were standing around her bed, looking extremely uncomfortable. They both turned when they heard Daniel enter.

"Hey, you make that call?" asked Cameron.

"Yup." Said Daniel. "How is she? I mean, she looks like she's sleeping." He went to her side and sat in the chair next to her bed. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "She's going to be asleep for quite a while. Maybe we should take turns sitting with her."

"Sounds good." Said Cameron. "Teal'c?"

"I concur," said Teal'c.

"Ok, which one of us stays first?" asked Cameron.

"I'll stay," said Daniel, "Janet's been pestering me to stay in the infirmary overnight so she can keep an eye on me."

"That would be wise, Daniel Jackson, since you are injured." Said Teal'c.

"I have to agree with Teal'c," said Cameron, "You stay. You could use the rest, and the peace. No telling how much the doc will bug you if you don't."

"Then it's settled. I'll stay tonight and one of you can come sit tomorrow morning." Janet walking in just as Daniel was finishing his sentence.

"What's settled?" asked Janet, studying Sam's chart.

"Well," said Cameron, "We don't want to leave Sam alone, but we can't all stay here, so we're gonna take shifts. And since our resident Archaeologist is also on the mend, he's going to stay first."

Janet smiled, "Well, that's one way to get you to stay in the infirmary overnight." She addressed Sam, "Hear that Sam, you're not even awake and yet you managed to get Daniel to obey doctor's orders." She turned to the three men, "Just so you know, you can all stay so long as you let the staff do their jobs. Ok?" The men nodded, "Ok, then, now the best we can do for Sam is to let her rest. Off with you."

"Yeah, yeah, we're going." Said Cameron. He leaned down close to Sam, and spoke softly, "We're gonna leave you to rest now, but we'll be back tomorrow. No funny business now, just rest." He suddenly got uncomfortable, "Uh, well, that's it I guess. I'll see you tomorrow."

Teal'c put his hand on Sam's shoulder," I will perform a wellness ritual tonight to help speed your recovery. Rest. We will see each other tomorrow."

"Let's go Teal'c. Daniel, you rest too. And call us if anything changes." Daniel nodded.

"See you in the morning."

When Teal'c and Cameron left Daniel reached for Sam's hand, "Hey Sam, it's just you and me now. I know you need your rest. But I wanted to tell you something. A little while ago, I made a phone call. I called Jack. Now that doesn't mean that you're dying or anything…cause you're not. Oh man, I'm not doing this right at all. Ok, it's just that I know he would want to be here for you, like we are, so I called him. I hope it's ok with you that I did. He's on his way right now. Should be here in a few hours. Anyway, I'll be here with you all night. I know you can't respond right now, but know that you're not alone. Ok, good night then." Daniel got up and lay down in the bed next to Sam's.

Before long Daniel was asleep. A figure silently made his way into the SG-C and down to the infirmary. He stopped as his eyes fell on her silent form. A nurse passed him, checking on Sam's vitals, and acknowledged him with a nod. "It's good to see you sir." Said the nurse as she passed him.

All he could do was smile in return, "Alright if I sit with her?" he asked.

"Of course, stay as long as you like." The nurse motioned to a chair next to Sam's bed, "I'll be down the hall if you need anything."

"Thank you," said the man, sitting in the chair. He couldn't stop looking at her. The reality of her being there was a heavy weight on his shoulders. "Sam?" he asked, "Sam, its Jack. Daniel called me. " He took her hand gently and held it in his own. He blew out the breath he didn't realize he had been holding, "So, come here often?" He smiled, more for his benefit than hers. He didn't know how to do this. He didn't know what to say to her. All he knew was that she was in pain, she was in trouble and he wasn't there. He was stuck in some damned office in Washington while she was risking her life on a daily basis yet again. "I wish I knew what to say to you." He said, making tiny soothing circles on her hand, "I was afraid of this. Deep down I was afraid this would happen. I'm not there to watch your back, or Daniel's, or Teal'cs. Look, Sam, I don't know how long it's gonna take for you to get better, but I do know that you will. You are the bravest person I know. You have such a strong will, and such a great spirit. There's nothing you can't do, and wouldn't do, for what you believe. I do know one thing to say to you now, though. When your dad died, I promised I would always be here for you, and I'm here now. And here is where I'm going to stay for as long as you need me…. or until you're up to kicking my ass, whichever comes first." Jack turned around to see if anyone was there. The infirmary was empty except for Daniel. Jack stood up and leaned over Sam, planting a soft kiss on her forehead, "Sleep well, Sam, I'll be right here." Jack sat down, and still holding her hand laid his head on her bed and fell asleep.

In the next bed, Daniel was awake. He had been the whole time. He had a small smile on his face. Calling Jack was definitely a good idea, a good idea indeed.


	3. Chapter 3

First of all, thank you so much for all the reviews. I have nothing against the new doctor on the show, but I loved Janet and wish she was still with the show. Anyhoo, the way I figure, and as I see all of you other J/S shippers out there are in agreement, TPTB don't have any intentions, at least not now, of putting our favorite couple together. That's ok, makes for good fanfic on our parts. I'm hoping that at the end of the series...far far away, that we'll find out that Sam and Jack were really together off screen since he left. Well, I can keep my fingers crossed anyway...enjoy chapter 3... 

Christine

The next few days went by far slower than any of them had wanted. There was a constant influx of people to the infirmary to see Sam. Of course Daniel, Teal'c and Cameron were a staple. As were Cassie and some of the other SG teams. Janet was in once or twice an hour, just to check on her vitals personally. But more than anything, they wanted Sam awake and talking. That in itself would put all of her friends at ease.

Jack was there too, every night, all night. He never once left her side once night fell. The nurses had kept the bed next to Sam empty so he could sleep, but he never used it. Instead he took up his spot in the chair next to her bed and fell asleep holding her hand with his head on the bed.

Unfortunately, he couldn't immediately abandon his position in Washington, he needed to get all of his bases covered and he spent his days putting plans in motion. He had no intention of leaving Sam until she was ready for him to leave. He was still angry at himself for not being there to watch her back, and that made him all the more determined to be here to help her recover. With one last phone call it was done. Jack was now free for at least a week, and by then he would have himself set up to perform his duties from Colorado Springs. This time, he swore, this time the damned country would have to come second.

By the third day Janet decided that the nerves had sufficient time to settle, Sam's initial tests were good, and that keeping Sam in a drug induced coma was no longer necessary. She stopped the drugs in the early afternoon and the wait for her to wake up began. Jack came in after dinner to relieve Daniel.

"Hey Daniel," said Jack, "Any change?"

"Well," said Daniel getting up to face Jack, "She's not awake yet. Janet said it might take awhile for the drugs to fully leave her system."

Jack pat him on the shoulder, "She'll be up soon, I can feel it. Why don't you go, grab something to eat and go home. I'll call you if she wakes up before you're back in the morning."

Daniel nodded, "Ok, but you'll call if anything changes right?"

"Right," said Jack. Daniel turned to leave, "Hey Daniel?" asked Jack.

"Yeah," said Daniel.

"Thanks for calling me about Sam." Daniel nodded and left Jack alone with Sam.

Jack sat down in his regular spot and reached for Sam's hand, "Hey there. It's Jack. Good news. Janet stopped your sleepy drugs. So you can wake up anytime now, ok?" He waited for a response, "Ok so I'm just a little impatient. You've never been this quiet for this long." Still no response. "Ok, look Sam, I'm just gonna have to order you to wake up. I mean I may not be your CO anymore, but I still outrank you. So, I order you to wake up. I mean it." He stared down at her hand, held gently in his and hung his head. He was never good at patience, that was always her thing. And right now, he needed a whole lot of patience.

He looked back up at her, "C'mon Sam. Wake up. Please. I'm here and I'm not leaving so you're just gonna have to wake up." Jack shook his head not taking his eyes off of her. He brushed a stray hair from her face and that's when he noticed it, a slight movement of her hand. He looked at her hand held in his own and waited for it to happen again, afraid it was a fluke. His patience was rewarded with a tiny squeeze of his finger. When he looked up at her she was staring back at him. She was still groggy, but she was awake.

He smiled at her, "Hey there, 'bout time you rejoined the rest of us."

Sam looked like she was going to say something but she was having trouble getting the words out. "W...Wa..Wa.."

"What? Water?" She nodded, "Ok hang on." Jack went to let go of her hand but she wouldn't let go. "Hey, it's ok, I'm just gonna get the water and you can have my hand back, I promise." She nodded. He poured her a glass and brought it to her, complete with a straw. Sam drank a little at first and then finished it off. "Better?" said Jack, putting down the glass and once again holding her hand.

She nodded, "What happened?" she asked hoarsely.

"You don't remember?" he asked.

"I remember getting hit...oh god Daniel what about Daniel?"

He put a hand on her shoulder, "It's ok, he's fine. He's been in here with you almost as much as me."

Sam looked confused, "How long have I been out?"

"Two days. Janet kept you sedated until this morning." He knew the inevitable questions would start and he knew he had to answer them. He had already discussed with Janet how to handle her questions and made sure he knew what to tell her in terms of her condition and prognosis. He had asked that if she weren't there that he'd be the one to fill her in.

"Two days? I remember being hit in the back and hitting my head." Jack nodded, "Well, my insert is back there and I mean did I hit my head that hard?"

Jack got up from his chair and sat on the edge of the bed, his head down. "The hit you took missed the insert. Not by much, but it missed it. Hit you just to the right of your spinal cord, and more towards your lower back. Did a lot of damage."

Sam looked directly at him, her blue eyes now focused and clear, "Look at me, Jack." Jack didn't look up. Sam used her free hand to tilt his chin up, "It's bad, isn't it?"

Jack looked into those clear blue eyes, and prepared to deliver them a blow they weren't expecting. "You're going to be fine...in time."

"What does that mean? Don't drag this out Jack just tell me. Please."

He held both her hands in his own, "The blast took out the nerves leading to your right leg." He could see her eyes move to her leg. "Janet operated for what seemed like forever putting everything back together the best that she could."

Sam's eyes returned to his, wet with unshed tears. "And?"

"And for right now, the nerves are mending, but your not going to be able to move that leg for awhile."

Sam broke her gaze at him and looked again at her leg. She let go of his hand and moved her right hand over her leg. A tear ran down her cheek, "I can't feel my hand on my leg." She said, trying hard to maintain her fragile composure, "And if I can't feel my hand on it, I'm guessing I can't move it either." She tried to focus on moving something, anything. Her toes, her knee. Nothing worked. No matter how hard she tried her leg wouldn't respond. More tears fell down her cheeks and she looked at him, "You said I'd be fine in time. How much time?"

Jack sighed, "Janet's not sure. A month, maybe two. It depends on how those nerves heal. She said you can't do physical therapy until the nerves heal and you get some feeling back."

"But, I am going to get the feeling back? Please, tell me the truth." She was stiffening up in the bed, trying to tuck all of her fears under her "soldier" façade. Jack wasn't buying it.

"Sam, I would never lie to you, you know that right?" she nodded, "Ok, Janet said that once the swelling goes down you'll be able to feel that leg again. However, you're going to need the physical therapy to re-teach that leg to work again with the new nerve endings."

She seemed to calm down a little bit, "Okay." She managed in between sniffles, "Okay, I guess I don't have a choice here."

"You know you have had an awful lot of people worrying about you." He reached up and wiped the tears from her cheeks, "They're gonna be thrilled that you're awake."

She reached up and stopped his hand, "Wait a minute," she said, "when did you get here I mean, what about Washington? Your job? You need to go back."

"Uh uh, I don't need to go back. I'm free for a week at least, then I'll set up shop here 'til you're better." He went back to tracing circles on the back of her hand, which seemed to calm her down a bit.

"I can't let you do that, Jack. You have a job to do." She looked down at their hands, "Don't get me wrong, I...I want you to stay. I almost need you to." She looked away from him, not wanting him to see the fear in her eyes.

"A while ago I promised you I'd always be here for you. Well, I wasn't here for you when you were on that planet. I wasn't there watching your back. But I'm here now, and I'm gonna stay here until you don't need me to be here anymore. Sam?" She was still looking away from him, trying not to cry, "Sam look at me." He turned her face towards him, "It's ok to be afraid." She nodded. "C'mere." He leaned into her and surrounded her in his warm embrace, now tracing those soothing circles on her back as she cried, "It's gonna be ok. You're not alone in this one. We'll do it together."


	4. Chapter 4

Sam spent nearly a week in the infirmary, being poked and prodded most of the time. Janet fussed over her constantly, making sure she wasn't moving around too much. By the end of the week Sam was climbing the walls. She wanted to go home, and now. Janet had finally told her this morning that she could be discharged, but only on the condition that she have a nurse with her, at least until she could get herself settled and start in on her therapy.

"Uh uh, no way." Said Sam waving her hand and shaking her head. "Never gonna happen."

"Sam," said Janet, trying to reason with her friend, "You can't go home by yourself. You've never had to maneuver in a chair before. And you can't get to and from rehab on your own. And who's going to shop for you...and"

"Janet, look, it's not that I don't get that I'll need some help getting used to stuff and maneuvering but I don't want someone I don't know in my house with me 24/7."

Jack walked in on the last part of Sam's statement, "Who don't you want in your house 24/7?"

Sam turned to Jack, "Will you please explain to Janet that I'm a trained soldier who can take care of herself." Jack looked confused, "Janet wants me to go home with a nurse and I am so not doing that."

Jack smiled, "Oh, I see. Well, I have to agree with Janet on this one. Sam, you can't go home by yourself. At least not right now."

"I'm not an invalid..." The words came out of her mouth before she realized what she'd said. As their meaning sank in her sudden confidence disappeared, "Damn. That's exactly what I am right now." She looked down at her hands, her fight all but gone.

Jack went over to sit on the bed, "I've got an idea. Now, the doc wants someone in the house with you right doc?" Janet nodded, "And you don't want a nurse, right?" Sam nodded, "Ok, then how 'bout a houseguest?" The two women looked at him strangely. "Look, I am staying in Colorado Springs until I know Sam has recovered enough to go on active duty, and that means that I need somewhere to stay, and well you have a guestroom right?" Sam nodded her head, "Ok, so I can get you home and be there if you need anything. A ride to and from rehab, grocery shopping, whatever. But I can also be there without crowding you. What do you say ladies? Isn't it much better to have one of your oldest friends with you than some nurse?"

Janet and Sam exchanged looks, "Well, I'm ok with that. There'd only be a few things you'd need to attend to, medically speaking. Pain meds and changing the dressing on the back wound. Think you can handle that General?"

Jack nodded, "With your expert teaching I sure can." He looked at Sam, "Well, whaddaya think?"

"If having you watching over me means I can get out of here, then I guess that's what we do." Sam looked over at Janet, "So when can I leave?"

"I'll get some things together and then I'll get the General up to speed on bandage changing and you'll be good to go." Janet headed off to gather up the supplies they would need, leaving Sam and Jack alone.

"Are you sure you want to do this? I'm not the best patient. I might be crabby. And what about your job?" Asked Sam.

"I've already told you, I'm not leaving until you are on active duty again, or until you kick me out, whichever comes first." She looked at him questioningly, "Don't look at me like that. I've already taken steps to do my job from here." He flashed her a Jack smile and she flashed him one back, then suddenly got somber.

"Look, Jack, this wasn't your fault. You had nothing to do with me getting hurt. You weren't even there..."

"That's right Sam, I wasn't even there." He spat out in a harsh tone. "I wasn't even there, but I shoulda been"

Sam put a hand on his arm, "You have to stop this. There is no blame here. I do this everyday, you know that. This is no different than it was when you were my CO."

Jack got up from the bed and moved to the doorway, seemingly scrutinizing a tiny spot on the wall, "It's very different."

"How?" she asked, "How is it different? Jack?"

He took a deep breath and blew it out quickly, "It's different. That's it, it's just different."

"That's crap and you know it. Jack, what's got you so upset?"

He turned around to look at her; "I wasn't there to keep you safe, Sam. I shoulda been. You know, I took the promotion and the job in Washington thinking it was what I should be doing. I mean who's more qualified for homeland security than me. Well, except maybe for you, of course." He waved his hands, "No matter. I'm sittin in an office controlling the security of our nation, but I'm sitting behind a desk while you're still out there risking your life every day. Don't get me wrong, I like Mitchell, but well..."

"He's not you." Said Sam, finally understanding where all of this was coming from, "Cam's not you." Jack looked down, suddenly very interested in his shoes. "Come sit, " she said patting the edge of the bed, "Look, whether or not you're my CO you're still my closest friend. We've been through so much together. We always have each other's back, out in the field and in our personal lives. It's only natural to feel like you should still somehow be there watching us. We were together for so many years as a team, as a family. Don't think that I don't catch myself sometimes out there offworld calling for you instead of Cam. He gets it though. Old habits and all. So you need to get rid of this whole guilt thing. The same thing could have happened while you were my CO and it still wouldn't be your fault, ok?" Jack nodded, "So how bout you see what's keeping Janet so you can get me home. I don't want to spend any more time here than I already have.

Jack squeezed her hand, "Thanks, Carter."

Sam squeezed back, "You're welcome, Sir."

She smiled at him, their usual General to Colonel names putting them both at ease. Sam lay back in bed. She was looking forward to going home. And Jack would be with her. As much as she tried to fight it, she had to admit it set her mind at ease to know he would be there for her. But part of her was afraid of how she would handle things knowing he was there. She wanted to be brave about her injury and what lay ahead in her recovery, and she could do that with anyone else, except Jack. Nope, with him it would be impossible to hide her pain and her fears. He knew her too well. But at least she had someone she loved taking care of her. 

Jack strode back into her room, carrying a bag of supplies and her clothes, "Ok Colonel, ready to go home?"

Sam smiled back and nodded, "Let's do it." 


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks again for the great reviews...see two chapters last time! I told you reviews make me write faster...I would have posted this yesterday, but I had trouble logging in all day. enjoy the read... 

Christine

Jack pulled into Sam's driveway, "Home sweet home." Sam looked blankly out the window at her house. "Hey, you okay?" Sam slowly nodded. "You sure?"

Sam looked over at him, "I'm sorry, I'm just a little nervous."

"You wanna hang here a bit? I could unload the truck and come back to get you."

"No. Let's just go in." She stopped him as he opened his car door, "Jack?"

"Yeah," he said.

"Thanks for being here." She smiled at him.

Jack flashed her a big grin. "No problem."

"You're sure there isn't anywhere else you need to be? Washington's ok with you not being there and all..."

Jack stopped her by placing a finger over her mouth, "Ah ah ah. No more talking about it. I've taken care of all of that already. I'm right where I need to be, got it?" She nodded. He playfully pointed his finger at her, "One more word about Washington and it's more sleepy drugs for you."

She smiled, "Okay, okay, no more Washington talk. I get it. Let's get into the house. I don't suppose you could cook me something edible could you? I'm starving."

He flashed her a look of mock horror, "I'm wounded by that comment Colonel. Just because I tend to burn steaks does not mean I can't cook." She arched an eyebrow at him, and he shook his finger at her, "Hey, hey, remember I'm the one taking care of you. Watch how you treat me." He had her giggling now, "But...since this is your first night home, and I haven't gone "shopping" I figured we'd order in, maybe Italian, and watch a movie. How's that sound?"

Sam smiled, "That sounds great. Now let's get in the house."

As Jack got her out of the truck and helped her get settled in the wheelchair, Sam couldn't help but enjoy the attention she was getting. He got her in the house and on the couch before going out to the truck to bring in their bags. She was touched by all of the balloons, flowers and cards strategically placed around the house so she could see them all.

Jack put the bags down on the table and opened the fridge, expecting it to be pretty bare, or at the very least to have things growing in there. But when he opened it, he got a big surprise. "Jackpot!" he exclaimed.

"What?" asked Sam, "What Jackpot?"

Jack walked out into the living room, juggling apples, "Well well, it seems I don't have to go shopping. Lookey here. I found fruit."

Sam smiled, "Teal'c and Daniel?" Jack stopped juggling and handed Sam an apple, "Yup. There's a note." He handed her a card.

"Sam, just wanted to make sure you were well fed, since we know Jack is taking care of you." She looked up at him and he shook his head.

"I wouldn't let you starve. Geez." He said going back into the kitchen.

Sam continued, "We'll call later to see if you'd like some company. I'm sure Jack won't be cooking so if you're up for it, we thought we'd bring pizza and a movie. Love Daniel and Teal'c. Boy, they don't have a lot of confidence in your cooking abilities."

Jack came back out of the kitchen, "I don't see why not. I'm not that bad."

Sam cleared her throat and took a bite of the apple. "If you say so." She said taking another bite and settling into the couch. She tried shifting her position so she was laying down but was stopped by a sudden pain in her back, "Ow."

"What?" he said as he knelt down next to her. Her face was scrunched up in pain and she was trying to breathe through it. She dropped the apple and grabbed his hand. "Sam?"

"I...moved...the...wrong...way...oh god this hurts." She was trying to regain control of her breathing, while trying to mask just how bad the pain was.

"Janet sent something for the pain. You want me to get the pills...?"

"No," she shot back, dropping his hand, "I mean, it's not that bad. It's subsiding."

Jack looked at her doubtfully, "You sure? It looks like you were in a lot of pain."

"I'm fine. I can handle it." She said, again adjusting herself on the couch so she was laying down.

Jack was shaking his head, " I know you can handle it. I'm just sayin you don't have to handle it. Janet sent stuff for that."

"I don't need it, Jack. Really." She quickly changed the subject, "Now, why don't you call Daniel and tell him and Teal'c to come on over with the pizza. And, one other thing, tell Teal'c no more Star Wars. Let Daniel pick this time."

Jack just stared at her. "What?" she asked.

"You're sure you're ok?" he asked.

"I'm fine. Look, stop worrying, ok? Just go call the guys. I promise I'll stay right here and not move until you come back."

Jack tapped his fingers on the couch cushions and regarded her closely, "Ok, but no more moving around til I'm back, deal?"

"Deal." She said, "Now go call, I'm hungry."

Jack went back into the kitchen. Sam could hear him on the phone with Daniel. She lay her head down on the couch and closed her eyes. She tentatively touched the bandage on her back, willing the tears not to fall, but it was no use. The pain that shot through her back was excruciating and it was still with her, albeit not as strong. And although she tried, she could see that Jack didn't buy her 'I can handle it' act. If the pain persisted, it wouldn't be long before she would have no choice but to let him see that she really couldn't handle it. That she needed his help.

Somehow, admitting to him that she needed help, that she couldn't handle the pain was worse than the pain itself. Even though he wasn't her CO anymore, she still felt like she had to come through for him, and overcoming this pain was coming through for him. Not being able to handle it was not. She was a soldier, and soldiers sucked it up and forged ahead. To not do so was to let him down. She had never let him down before, and she wasn't going to start now. To make matters worse, she knew he was carrying a lot of guilt for not being there when she got hurt, and she didn't want him to feel worse if she was in a lot of pain. 'I've got to stick this out. This pain can't last forever.' She thought to herself.

"Sam?" called Jack from the kitchen, "Sausage or pepperoni?"

She quickly wiped the tears away and cleared her throat, "Um, pepperoni is fine."

Jack came back from the kitchen, "Ok, the boys will be here in half an hour with pizzas in hand. I have no control over the movie." He studied her closely, "How's the back?"

"Better, thanks. Hey, did Janet say anything about ice or heat for my back?" asked Sam.

"Um, ice. Shrinking the swelling I believe. And help in pain relief. Aha! See, I can follow direct orders...when they're important." He smiled at her and was rewarded with a smile back, "You want some ice?" She nodded, "Ok, I'll be right back."

The night went well. The four friends talked and laughed and ate until they were stuffed. It was a night they all needed. Sam needed to socialize and take her mind off of her injury, and the guys needed to see her awake and talking. They needed to see they hadn't lost their friend.

After Daniel and Teal'c left, Jack cleaned up while Sam wheeled around the kitchen, "Hey, what are you doing?" asked Jack.

"Helping clean up, what did you think I was doing?" said Sam, handing Jack a few dishes.

"You're supposed to be resting." Said Jack, hands full of dishwashing liquid.

"Look, I'm going to be in this contraption for awhile, I might as well get used to maneuvering and doing tasks. I can't rely on someone else for everything." She was looking at him, big blue eyes clear and focused. "Now, I'm off to the bathroom to change for bed and brush my teeth, and I don't need your help for that."

"Damn," he said, a sly smile spreading across his face, "Foiled again."

Sam laughed. "I'm going to attempt to do this myself, but I'll know where you are in case I get frustrated."

"Always here to help m'lady," he said, bowing in front of her. "Let me know when you're done and I'll help you up into that bed."

"What does that mean? You don't like my bed?" she said in mock anger.

"No I mean you're bed is huge. Like you need a ladder to get up there. So I'll be there to help you climb that bed when you're done, ok?"

She was laughing, "I never thought of that. I guess it is kinda huge if you've got a bum leg and are recovering from surgery. I'll call you when I need a lift."

Fifteen minutes later, Sam wheeled into the living room. Jack was sitting on the couch reading the paper, "Done?" he asked. She nodded, "Okay then, let's get you into bed"  
He followed her down the hall and helped her swing her legs into bed as she gingerly moved herself into a position that didn't bother her back.

"Okay, there sleeping beauty, all tucked in." Sam smiled, "You know where I am if you need me." He turned to look at her one more time before he left her room, "You sure you don't want the pain killer?"

She shook her head, "Nope, I think I'll be ok tonight, I shouldn't be moving around a lot." He nodded and turned to leave, "Oh and Jack?" He nodded, "Thanks for tonight. I really needed that. See ya in the morning." Jack smiled and left Sam's room, shutting the door.


	6. Chapter 6

3:30 a.m. 

Sam winced as she looked at the clock. Two and a half hours. That's all she'd slept before the pain came back. It started as a dull ache, but it wasn't enough to keep her from falling asleep. She had managed to deal with it and closed her eyes. As she settled into sleep she did what she always did, she rolled onto her side. Nothing new there. However, this time the movement sent a wave of nauseating pain through her body. All she could do was hold on to her pillow, burying her face into it to muffle the cry of pain that escaped her lips. Eventually it subsided a bit, and she tried to get herself on her back to hopefully relieve the pressure she had put on her injury. That only caused more pain and she decided that she was stuck on her side. And there she had remained for the next hour.

Now it was 3:30 and she was still fighting this horrible pain, and trying to find a way through it that didn't involve waking a certain someone down the hall.

As she lay there watching the minutes tick by ever so slowly, she wondered how she'd gotten any sleep in the infirmary. She had rolled onto her side there, she was sure of it, but she didn't have the pain she was having now. Then it occurred to her: the morphine drip. She was on the morphine drip. Janet had it set up to keep her pain to a manageable level, and now the morphine was no longer in her system. She wished she had taken Jack's suggestion and taken the pain meds Janet had sent.

"Stupid me, thought I could handle it." She whispered to herself, "You're a soldier, you said, suck it up, you said. Forge ahead...What the hell was I thinking?" She was taking in ragged breaths and she was covered in sweat. She shook her head, knowing what she had to do. She took a few more deep breaths and called out, "Jack? Jack can you hear me?" He had closed the door when he left her, and she was afraid he wouldn't be able to hear her cries. She decided to try to turn on the light, but the pain was too great and she missed the pull chain on the lamp, instead landing her arm on the end table, sending the books and pictures on it crashing to the floor.

She tried again, "Jack? I need help. Jack?"

He came flying through the door in no time, still half asleep, "Sam? What's wrong?" He had definitely been sleeping. His shorts and t-shirt were disheveled and his hair was standing up every which way. When he finally cleared his head he sat on the edge of the bed, "You ok?"

She shook her head, "No...the pain...Jack...I thought I could handle the pain." She winced and sucked in a breath, "I've been lying here for an hour and it won't let up."

Jack let out a sigh and sent a look of frustration her way, "Dammit Sam! Why didn't you just take the pain meds? You know I didn't buy the whole 'I can handle it' thing this afternoon. I was just hoping you'd come to your senses before it got to this. Enjoying your little pain party?" Sam didn't answer. He could see she was still trying to cover with him and now it was making him angry, "What the hell are you trying to do? Huh? Kill yourself with the pain? Or maybe you'd just like to drive me crazy watching you suffer when you don't have to?" He'd spat out the words a little more harshly than he intended, but he got his point across.

She shook her head, the wall of her façade collapsing in front of his eyes, "I'm sorry," she said, tears rolling down her cheeks, "I'm sorry."

He grasped her hand and tenderly touched her cheek with the other, "No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound to get mad. It's just,why would you want to chance having to deal with the pain?" He looked at her. He got his answer in her eyes and she turned to look away, "Oh," he said, shaking his head, "Sam, it's just you and me. No air force. No having to be strong in front of the guys." He took a deep breath, "God you're stubborn, you know that." He waited for a response from her. But she wouldn't look at him. "Sam, I know how strong you are. I've been witness to your strength hundreds of times. But that doesn't mean that you can't accept help. Accepting help doesn't make you weak. Is that why you wouldn't take the meds?"

Sam continued to look away from him, "I didn't want to let you down, Jack." She said, "I wanted to prove to you that I was going to be ok. That you didn't have to feel guilty because you weren't there when I got hurt. That I wasn't that bad..." She stopped, breathing in and out several times, "I didn't want you to worry about me."

"Dammit Sam, sometimes you drive me nuts." He got up and went towards the door, "I'll go get the meds and and the ice pack, and then we'll get you set up a little better to sleep, ok?"

She nodded her head, "Okay," she responded wearily.

Jack returned in a minute with a glass of water and pill in one hand and an ice pack in the other. "Here, take this," he said, handing her a pill and a glass of water. He helped her turn over enough so she could take the pill. "Okay, now, let's see if we can't get you into a semi-seated position here and relieve some of that pressure your putting on the injury." He looked at her. She handed him the now empty glass and he set it on the nightstand. "On three." She nodded, "One, two, three..." He lifted and turned her so she was on her back. She let out a painful cry as he positioned a pillow on either side of her. "Sorry," he said, "I know this hurts. But the meds should kick in in oh about 20 minutes. In the meantime," he said climbing up on the other side of the bed and lying down next to her, "let's get some ice on that back. That should help with the pain until the meds kick in."

Sam nodded as Jack moved a pillow and got the ice pack on her injured back. "Thank you," she said, "That's feels better already."

"Ok," said Jack, suddenly a little nervous, "You want me to go? I could check in on you in a bit?"

"Stay," said Sam, reaching for his hand, "At least until I fall asleep...or well, I mean its already 3:30, so if you want, you might as well stay til morning." She was holding back on telling him that she didn't want to be alone, that his presence alone was making her feel better.

"Okay," he said, getting settled next to her, "Is your position okay?"

"Well, almost. C'mere." She said, and patted the mattress next to her. Jack scooted over a bit and turned on his side to face her."I've been thinking of my dad a lot tonight, you know? I could really use him right now." He nodded, Her voice was thick with emotion, "But he's not here, and I think you're the only other person I'd let see me like this. The only other person I'd want with me while I'm like this. So, I was wondering if maybe you could just hold me for awhile, I mean, untilI fall asleep?"

"I'd be happy to," said Jack, moving over close to Sam, being careful not to move the ice pack he strategically placed over the pillow. She lifted her head so he could put his arm under her neck, and she leaned her head on his shoulder. He snaked his other hand over her stomach and she laid her hand on top of his."How's this?" he asked,

"Good," she said, sleepily, "Hey, I think the drugs are taking effect. I'm so sleepy."

"Okay then, go to sleep. You need your rest. I'll be right here if you need me." With that statement he turned his head and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Thanks, Jack." She said as she drifted off to sleep. "See ya in the mornin'"

"G'night Sam," said Jack and they drifted off to sleep together.


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you all so much for the great reviews. I know it takes time to review the story, and I appreciated every single one of you for doing it. Your reviews are the perfect way to start my day : )

Here's chapter 7..."Feeling...nothing more than feeling..." finally!

The next week went by fairly quickly. Sam had asked Daniel to bring her laptop and some notes to her. She had decided that if she had to stay off her feet, or for now, foot, that she would catch up on another book idea she had. She'd been itching to start writing, and she figured this was a good a time as any.

Jack spent his mornings getting her settled and making sure she had everything she needed before heading over to Cheyenne Mountain. He'd check in with Washington and put out any fires there. Then he went for an update on any SGC happenings that Sam needed to know about. He was constantly stopped as he roamed the halls of the SGC, everyone wanting an update on Sam. Seems she was extremely popular with just about everyone, and they all made a point to have Jack tell Sam they said "Hi". As Jack finished with one of Sam's many admirers, he ran into Daniel.

"Of course, Walter, I'll tell her you said 'Hi'". Daniel walked up to Jack just as he was finishing with Walter. "Hey Daniel."

"Hey Jack, how's Sam doing today?" he asked, falling into step besides his friend.

"Pretty good, I think. Now that she's taking the pain meds, of course."

Daniel smiled and shook his head, "Let me guess, 'it's not so bad, I can handle it'." Jack nodded, "She really put on the whole 'brave front thing' didn't she."

Jack shook his head, "Yup. And then some. Wouldn't take anything before bed." Daniel winced, "and you can guess what happened then."

"She was in a huge amount of pain, right?" Jack nodded, "She is so stubborn sometimes."

"You're telling me, try reasoning with an extremely stubborn, extremely intelligent blonde who thinks she has to hide how much pain she's in. Even to her friends." They entered the commissary and got in line, "I'm telling you Daniel, sometimes she drives me crazy."

"In a good way, of course," said Daniel smiling.

"Of course," said Jack. "Hey, don't let me forget, I promised I'd bring her some blue jello." Daniel nodded, "Personally I don't get why the blue one is any better than any of the other slimy googly jellos there, but, it's her favorite."

Daniel nodded, "Hey, how are things going there?"

"What do you mean," asked Jack, handing Daniel a tray and a plate.

"Well, isn't it strange to be in the same house with her all the time?" he asked taking a slice of pie.

"Ya know, I thought it would be, but it's not really weird at all. It's kinda comfortable." He put two pieces of pie on his tray and shooed Daniel down the line.

"Then it's working out well all around." Said Daniel taking his tray to a table. Jack followed and sat opposite Daniel.

He nodded, "Pretty much." He ate a forkful of pie, "You know," he said in between bites, "I never realized how much I missed having someone else around the house. I've been alone for so many years that I almost forgot how nice it is to not have the house totally quiet."

"Maybe you should get a roommate." Said Daniel, "Although, he or she would have to have the proper clearance."

Jack laughed, "I don't think so Daniel. I'm not saying I want a roommate, I'm just saying 'living' with Sam has been nice. It's been nice to spend some time with each other that didn't involve being shot at or dealing with aliens. Just some normal human stuff." Jack ate another bite of pie, "It's just been...nice." He looked at his watch, "Oh, gotta go. Got one call to make and then I'm outta here." Jack got up to leave when Daniel spoke up.

"Jack? The jello, don't forget the jello."

Jack shook his finger at Daniel, "See, that's why I told you. I knew you wouldn't forget." He went to get the jello, "Hey, you comin' for dinner tonight. Sam mentioned people coming over to eat. Somethin' about Chinese food and cake."

"Yup. I'm bringing Vala. And I believe Mitchell's hitching a ride with Teal'c. And Cassie's coming with Janet. Oh, and I'm bringing the cake." He glanced at his watch, "That reminds me, I should go pick it up. See you later, Jack." Daniel got up and quickly made his exit.

Jack looked down at the bag containing the famous blue jello that Sam loved so much, "Ok Jello, home we go."

Sam heard the key in the door and looked up from her laptop. The door opened and Jack stepped through, bag in hand.

Sam's face lit up, "That wouldn't happen to be...?"

"Blue jello? I dunno? Let's see here," he opened the bag and spoke into it, "Is there any blue jello in here." He put his ear to the bag and waited for an answer, "Hm, no answer, guess not." He moved to go into the kitchen.

"Hey," she said in mock anger, "I want my blue jello. You promised."

He came back into the living room with a huge bowl of blue jello and handed it to her, "C'mon, did you really think I'd forget?"

She took the bowl from him, a huge smile on her face, "Actually, I figured you would ask Daniel to remind you, knowing he'd remember."

Jack flashed a mock look of hurt on his face, "I'm wounded you would think I'd forget." She looked at him, cocking her head and raising her eyebrows, "Alright," he said, "Daniel remembered for me." She smiled, "But it was my idea to tell him to remind me."

He sat on the couch next to her and looked over at her laptop, "Watcha doin'?" he asked.

"I'm working on another book idea. I finished the first book when we had those bracelets on. So, I went to book idea number two." She popped a spoonful of jello into her mouth.

"Ok, while I'm sure it's extremely interesting stuff to you, I'm not even gonna ask what it's about, cause you know I'll totally be confused." He put his head back into the cushions, "You'd think after all these years, I'd be able to follow what you're saying, but most things you say...well they just go in one ear and out the other." She glared at him, "Technical things...I meant technical things go in one ear and out the other. I totally hear everything else you say...really. How's the jello?" He asked smiling, quickly changing the subject.

She shook her head, and reached for the spoon, knocking it right out of the bowl. It landed on her leg...her right leg.

As she went to pick it up she suddenly realized something. It fell on her leg...her right leg...and she FELT it! She looked up at Jack and realized he'd been staring at her.

"You felt that land on your leg, didn't you?" he asked tentatively.

She felt her eyes well up with tears, and she nodded, "Uh huh."

"You're sure?" he asked. He didn't want her to get her hopes up if she was wrong.

She picked up the spoon and held it about a foot from her thigh, took a deep breath and then dropped it. It bounced off her thigh and onto the floor. She smiled, a single tear falling down her cheek, "I felt it. My god, I felt it!" She looked over at him and he smiled back at her.

"Congratulations, Colonel," he said pulling her into a hug, "You've just made progress. Looks like tonight's little shindig just became a party." 


	8. Chapter 8

"Good morning Sam," said Janet walking into the infirmary.

"Morning Janet," said Sam, as Jack helped her up onto the bed.

"Mornin doc," said Jack.

"So, how are you feeling in general?" asked Janet, taking Sam's vitals.

"Pretty good actually. I'm down to just the pain meds at night. I still have a little trouble sleeping. Seems I can't sleep any other way except on the side I'm not supposed to sleep on."

Janet removed the bandage on her lower back, "This looks like it's healing quite well. I see the General has been doing his job as far as wound care goes." She looked over at Jack and smiled, "Seems someone is a very good student."

Jack waved off her praise, "Ah, 'tis nothing. It wasn't that hard. And I paid close attention to my teacher."

Sam was getting impatient, "Ok you two, while it's great hearing how good a student the General here is, how bout we get to the part where I can feel my leg again?"

Janet and Jack shook their heads, "Where's that patience Carter?" asked Jack.

"I left it home," she said, "Now about rehab?"

"Whoa there Sam," said Janet, "Let's get some tests done and see where you are."

"But I thought you said I could start rehab as soon as I had feeling in the leg." Said Sam.

"I did, and you will, but I just want to run some tests to be sure everything is healed enough. It won't take long. Nancy?" Janet called to a nurse across the room, "Let's get the Colonel into a gown and over to x-ray. I want to do a full scan to check out the how the nerves are healing." She turned to Sam, "Then we'll do some physical tests and see where you're at. After that, we'll schedule the rehab." Sam blew out a frustrated breath, "Sam, we need to know where to tell the rehab doctor to start, and we can't do that without the tests. Now, like Jack said, patience, ok?"

Sam nodded her head, "Okay, I get it. Let's just get the tests going. I'm anxious to get to rehab."

"Hey," said Jack, sitting next to her on the bed, "We know you want to get started, and you will, but as much as I hate to say it, you gotta let the doc do her thing." Sam looked over at him and nodded, "Look, I'll go get some work done and when you're all set here we'll do lunch."

"Does that include blue jello?" she asked with a hint of a smile on her face.

He playfully shook a finger at her, "Only if I get a good behavior report from the doc here, deal?"

"Deal," she said. The nurse came over and handed her a gown.

"I'm going to call x-ray and make sure they're ready for us," said Janet and she left the room to phone x-ray.

Jack leaned over to whisper in Sam's ear, "You sure you don't need help changing into that? Cause you know I am more than willing to help..."

She playfully slapped him on the arm, "Go get some work done. I can handle this just fine thank you."

"Ok," said Jack jumping off the bed, "I'll be in Daniel's office. Buzz me over there when you're done and we'll do lunch."

Sam nodded, "See ya in a bit." He closed the curtain and headed off to go see Daniel.

Jack whistled his way down to Daniel's office. He was definitely in a good mood. Nothing going on in Washington or in the SGC and Carter was getting prepped to start rehab. The last part was the real reason for his good mood. He had some doubts about being able to help her in the beginning. She could match him time and time again in terms of stubbornness. When she refused the medication her first night home, he gave some serious thought to not staying and asking a nurse to come. He wondered if his being there was making her uncomfortable. If his presence would cause more harm than good. He was almost grateful for the severity of her pain that night. She had no choice but to accept his help, without feeling like she was letting him down. Once that barrier was broken it was smooth sailing. She was taking the meds when she needed them, and she was letting Jack help her when she needed it. 

"...isn't it strange to be in the same house with her all the time?" Daniel's question popped into his head. He had to admit, not only was it not strange, it was wonderful. He'd leave in the morning after getting her breakfast and making sure she had everything she needed. He went about his day over at the SGC, using an empty office as his base to keep track of the goings on in Washington. And he found himself looking forward to going home, knowing she would be there. 

It was as if they were meant to coexist in the same house. And he was amazed at how much they had in common. He learned some things about her that he never would have known had he not lived with her. Sure, he knew her well. Hell they had known each other for 10 years, but he didn't know her very well outside the confines of their jobs. They were never really able to get to know each other as just Jack and Sam. Not that they didn't want to, but they both knew that it was pointless to even entertain the idea that there would be a Jack and Sam who were more than friends. So they had stayed 'Carter' and 'Sir'. But since he started to stay at her house, the 'Carter' and 'Sir's were gone. They were just Jack and Sam. And as soon as the safe confines of their formal names went, he knew he could never go back. He turned a corner and a thought hit him. He stopped whistling. What happens when she's ready to go back to active duty? What the hell happens to them? Did they just go back to the 'Carter' and 'sir'? Could they? He shook his head, "I don't know how the hell she does this. All this thinking is making my head hurt."

Daniel looked up as Jack entered his office, "What makes your head hurt?" he asked as Jack took a seat next to Daniel.

"Thinking," he said. Matter-of-factly, "I don't know how Carter does it all the time. I've been thinking on my way over here and my head hurts. And that was what 7 minutes or so? How the hell does she think, like 24/7 and not have her head explode?"

Daniel just stared at Jack, a puzzled look on his face, "Jack, what the hell are you talking about?"

"What?" he said.

"You just came in here saying your head hurt from thinking and you wanted to know how Sam does it all the time without her head exploding." 

"I did?" said Jack, "Oh, oh uh yes I did. I was just wondering aloud." He said.

"O...kay.." said Daniel.

"Whatcha doin'?" asked Jack, trying to look interested in the textbook that Daniel was pouring over.

"Just trying to decipher some of the writings off of that artifact that we got on PX5-426." He said, "But I'm not having much luck."

"Oh," said Jack, spinning a pen around in a circle on Daniel's desk.

"Jack?" asked Daniel, watching his friend nervously twirling the pen.

"Yeah?" said Jack.

"Everything alright?" Jack nodded, "Sam's ok?" again he nodded, "Okay, so what's on your mind. I mean, you were thinking when you came in right?"

"Yup, I was. I was definitely thinking." Said Jack, walking around Daniel's office picking up some books and skimming them over.

"About?" asked Daniel.

"About? Yes, well, what was I thinking about? Oh, nothing much." Said Jack putting down the book and picking up another.

"Jack," said Daniel, taking off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose, "what's on your mind? Is it Sam? Is she ok? I mean, is everything ok with the two of you under one roof?"

Jack stopped, "Yup, everything's fine. Great even. Really, really great."

"Okay, am I missing something? If everything's 'great' what's the problem?"

Jack took a deep breath in and blew it out, "Daniel that IS the problem, I think."

Daniel shook his head, "Wait, wait, the problem is that things with you and Sam are really great?"

"Bingo," said Jack, putting down the book he was holding and resuming his pacing around Daniel's office, "What the hell happens when it's over and she's better and I have to go to Washington?" He was starting to get agitated and began to gesture with his hands, " I'm really starting to get used to this, Daniel. And I like it, I mean I REALLY like it."

"OH," said Daniel, "That 'thing' again, huh?"

"Thing?" asked Jack, a puzzled look on his face.

"Remember the bracelets and the zatar?" Jack nodded, but still didn't connect where Daniel was going. "The 'thing' that you and Sam know is there but can't do anything about? Regulations and such..."

"Oh, oh, THAT thing," said Jack, once again sitting in the seat next to Daniel. He crossed his arms and hung his head to his chest. He blew out another breath. "And it's not just me either, Daniel, I know she sees it too. I don't know." He said running his hand through his hair, "How do I go back to just seeing her once or twice a month and talking on the phone a couple a times a week after living with her?"

"Well," Daniel said, putting his glasses back on, "do you want to go back to the way things were? I mean, can you even do that now?"

Jack shrugged his shoulders, "I dunno. You know, it's just that I'm getting to the point where we've saved this planet like a million times over and I'm thinking that we deserve some happiness and a shot at some kind of life, no matter who we can maybe find that with or whether or not it's 'legal' in the military sense. After all these years of saying that nothing could ever become of Sam and I except to be CO and second in command, we almost lose her, again, and yet somehow, this time it seems different. This time I don't want to waste any more time saving the world, or worrying about what the Air Force would say about a General falling in love with a Colonel." He looked at Daniel intently, "You don't seem to be surprised by any of what I'm saying. Why is that?"

"C'mon Jack, you think you and Sam are the only ones who know that there's a 'thing' between you two." Jack looked surprised, "Don't look so surprised. Half the base thinks you should retire and the other half thinks you should both retire and come on in a civilian capacity. You know, the whole base has ideas about how you two can make this work."

Jack laughed, "What? Do people stand around the water cooler and talk about our nonexistent relationship and how we could make it exist?"

"Well," said Daniel, "let's just say that there's a running pool about when something will finally happened with you two."

Jack turned white, "You're not serious...are you?"

Daniel nodded, "Oh yeah, very."

Jack covered his face with his hands, "Oh crap."

Author's note: Sorry there isn't a lot of real action going on here, but I wanted to get inside Jack's head...next we get to see what's inside of Sam's head. 

Coming up...Sam starts rehab...and bites off more than she can chew... 


	9. Chapter 9

Sam sat back on the bed and blew out a frustrated breath. She drummed her fingers on her right leg. The leg she could now FEEL. God what was taking Janet so long to get back here with the test results? This waiting was getting ridiculous. Just as Sam was about to try to get out of bed and into the wheelchair, Janet walked in. 

"Finally," said Sam, pushing herself up in the bed, "You got the test results?"

Janet sat on the edge of the bed, "Yup."

"Well?" asked Sam, "Are you gonna tell me the results?"

"Rather impatient aren't we?" asked Janet, opening the file.

"Yeah, well, you try being poked and prodded for an hour and then sitting here in bed waiting for the results and let me know how patient you are." Her voice was tinged with frustration.

Janet stared at her, "Sam, c'mon. It wasn't that long."

Sam blew out a breath, "I'm sorry, Janet. I know you're doing your job. I know you only want me to get better. It's just so damned frustrating to not be able to have control of my own progress." She looked down at her hands, "I'm used to being in control of the situation."

Janet smiled at her friend, "Ya think?" She reached over and held Sam's hand, "Look, no one said this was going to be easy, right?" Sam nodded, "Why don't we talk about the results and then we'll talk about starting your rehab."

Sam's head shot up, a huge smile on her face, "I'm going to rehab? When?"

"What about talking about the test results?" She said.

"Everything's healing fine?" asked Sam. Janet nodded, "Ok then, now we've talked about the results. Let's talk rehab."

Janet smiled, "Ok, I've checked with the rehab center here and you can start with Lt. Donna Simms day after tomorrow."

"Yes," said Sam, hugging Janet, "Thank you so much. Are we done? Cause I want to tell Jack the news, and I'm starving."

Janet laughed, "Yes we're done. Get dressed and I'll get you a time and room # for the rehab center." She got up and handed Sam the pile of clothes on the bed. "I'll be back soon."

"Thanks Janet," said Sam, grinning from ear to ear. "I just wanted you to know I'm so grateful that you take such good care of me."

Janet smiled back, "What're friends for? Besides might as well benefit from being the best friend of a doctor right?" She closed the curtain and left the room.

Sam slowly got dressed,. As she got to her shoes, she noticed there was an extra piece of clothing on the bed. She reached down to get it and smiled. It was Jack's coat. He must have left it when he brought her in. As she held it in her hands she had the sudden urge to smell it. As she brought it to her nose she closed her eyes. It smelled like Jack. She hugged the jacket close to her and breathed in his scent again. 'Wait til he hears about rehab.' She thought to herself, 'maybe we can celebrate by going out to dinner.' Sam's hand ran down the jacket. It was totally Jack. It was a little rough around the edges, just like him, with all these little pockets for his keys and wallet. And a place in the front for his almighty sunglasses. Pretty smart for a rough and tumble jacket, just like Jack. He always put on the air of not understanding anything she was talking about. But she knew better. While he didn't understand astrophysics, he was smart, very smart. And he would pick and choose when to let that secret out. But she knew, practically from the beginning, that there was this wonderfully generous, smart man tucked underneath all that "armor".

And she had seen more of that wonderful man in the last week than she had seen in the 10 years they'd known each other. She wasn't too sure of the living arrangement when he'd first suggested it. Hell, she pretty much agreed just so she could go home. But now, in this short time, she'd come to love it. She looked forward to not having the house be so quiet. She found herself watching the clock, waiting for him to come home. She was beginning to see another side of this man she had known so long and was so dear to her. She would hear him sing in the shower, burying her face in a pillow to hide her laughter. And she loved having him around, as just Jack, and not "General". In that instant, her father's voice echoed in her head, " you can have everything you want..." In that instant she realized what her father's dying words had meant. He was talking about her...and Jack. His talk about the rules and regulations was directed at her and Jack. And now that Jack was with her, in her house, could she really ever go back? Did she even want to?

"Hey Sam you done?" asked Janet from the other side of the curtain.

"Yeah, Janet," said Sam, putting Jack's coat on her lap.

"Hey there," said Janet, "I've checked with Lt. Simms and she can take you at 9:30 in room 16, level 10.."She noticed Sam staring down at a coat in her lap, "Sam? Helloo?"

Sam looked up, the bright and cheery smiled wiped off her face.

"Sam? What's wrong?" asked Janet, growing concerned, "When I left you were all excited about rehab."

"I am," said Sam, still staring at the coat on her lap.

"Ok," said Janet, "Then why are you staring at General O'Neill's jacket with a long face?"

Sam looked at her friend, "I was just thinking."

Janet sat on the bed next to Sam, "About what? Or should I say about whom?"

"About Jack," said Sam, "I was thinking about Jack, and my dad."

Janet turned to her friend, "What about them?"

"I just..." she started, then stopped, "I've just gotten used to Jack being around."

"Are you two getting along? I mean you seem like you are." Said Janet.

"We are. We are getting along famously. That's the problem." Said Sam.

"Oh," said Janet, seeing where Sam was going, "It's going so well that you don't want it to end right?" Sam nodded, "Sam," said Janet, "Things haven't really changed you know. You are both still in the Air Force. There are still those regs to consider."

"I know, I know," said Sam, "It's not like we're sleeping together..."

"Yet?" asked Janet. Sam slapped her arm. "Hey!"

"Where did that come from?" asked Sam, blushing.

"C'mon Sam, you think you're the only one on this base wondering if you two will ever get together?" Said Janet, putting her file down on the bed.

"What!" said Sam, totally taken aback by the question, "I...well...I mean...how many people are 'wondering'?"

"Enough," said Janet getting off the bed.

"How many is enough?" asked Sam, suddenly wishing she had kept her mouth shut.

"Enough for a pool." Said Janet.

"A pool!" said Sam loudly, looking around to see if anyone had heard her.

"A pool?" she whispered. She put her hands over her face and lay back on the bed, "Great, just great."

next...rehab begins...and sam bites off more than she can chew...(i promised now didn't I)


	10. Chapter 10

Now, now, I know I promised this chapter would be where Sam bites off more than she can chew...and it is...but it turned out to be way too long. So, I had to break it into two chapters. So, here's the first part, and the second will be up by tomorrow morning the latest (it's Thursday night here in NJ)...I'm just about done with it, but I want it to be perfect so I'll take just a little more time tonight. It's an awesome chapter...Christine

Jack hopped in the truck and closed the door. He turned to Sam, seated next to him in the truck. "You all ready to go?" He asked.

Sam flashed him her megawatt smile, "More than ready."

"Ok, then, let's get you to rehab." He started the truck and headed for the base.

Lt. Donna Simms, a short slender brunette, met them at the door, "You must be Colonel Carter." She said, extending her hand to Sam.

"That's me," answered Sam, "This is General Jack O'Neill. He's helping me out until I'm back to fighting form."

Jack shook her hand, "Pleasure to meet you. I trust my friend is in good hands." He released her handshake, "My, my, that's quite a firm handshake you got there." He turned to Sam, "I think you're in excellent hands."

Lt. Simms smiled, "I may be small, but I pack a wallop." Sam and Jack laughed. "Now, why don't you both come in and we'll get started. She motioned for them to follow her into the rehab room.

"Ok, I know I'm sometimes a little slow but I thought Sam was the one in rehab, not me." Said Jack, looking a little puzzled.

Lt. Simms smiled, "You're living with Sam now, though correct? That's what it says on the paperwork."

"Right." Said Jack.

"Ok then. You also need to be here for at least the first session." She motioned for him to sit, as she sat down at her desk. Jack wheeled Sam over next to him. "You see, General, the Colonel's rehab doesn't stop when she leaves these four walls. There are some things I want you to help her with at home. The more we can get the limb moving, the faster her recovery will be."

"Okay," said Jack, "Whatever you need me to do." He looked over at Sam and smiled. She smiled back.

"So, what's the first step Lt.?" Asked Sam. "I'm kind of anxious to get things moving."

"I know," said the Lt.. "Janet warned me. Something about an overachiever." She smiled, "Look Colonel.."

"Sam. Call me Sam."

"Okay Sam, then call me Donna."

"Donna it is. Now what else did Janet say?"

"Janet just said that you were very anxious to get started and to get back to your routine. Now, that's fine, for now. It's a good attitude to have at the beginning. But you need to be realistic here Sam. Your body has been through an incredible amount of damage and it isn't going to be 100 overnight."

"I..I know," said Sam, "What kind of timeframe do you think I'm looking at ?"

Donna closed Sam's medical file, "We won't know what your prognosis is until I'm done with this first session. I need you to understand Sam, and you too Jack, that this is not going to be easy, on either one of you." She focused on Sam, "You may have all the intentions in the world of coming in here and making huge strides faster than anyone ever has, but it isn't realistic, and I don't want you to set yourself up for a fall, physically or psychologically."

"I don't understand," said Sam, "Isn't that kind of attitude and approach to this rehab what you guys like to see?"

"Don't get me wrong, Sam, right now that attitude is wonderful, but you need to accept that you have no control over how your body is going to react to the rehab work. For all we know you might just fly through it. But the very real possibility is that majority of rehab work is not only slow, but also painful. I need you to understand that what I tell you to do is ALL you can do, until I say otherwise."

"Absolutely," said Sam, "Whatever you say."

"Good, then here's what I'd like to do for today. I'm going to go through a series of flexibility exercises to see where you're at since the surgery. The muscles in your leg haven't been idle for too long, so they should be fairly flexible. The we'll work on trying to isolate one particular movement until you've got it down."

"That's it?" asked Sam.

"That's a lot, Sam," said Donna, "You'll see. It won't be as easy as it sounds, nor will it be painless." She turned to Jack, "Could you stay for this session? I mean if you can't that's all right. I totally forgot to tell Janet to pass that along to you the other day."

"No, that's fine, I can stay." He looked at his watch, "Just let me make one phone call and I'm all yours. Might I use your phone?"

"By all means, General."

"Jack," he said picking up the receiver.

Donna smiled, "Jack it is." She turned to Sam, "So, let's get started shall we."

Sam nodded. "See ya in a bit," said Jack.

Donna evaluated Sam's condition from every possible angle. She was extremely thorough, checking everything from the sensations Sam had in her leg to the range of motion of her hip since the surgery on her back. Jack watched intently, seeing the amount of pain Sam was in while Donna stretched her muscles. She was sweating a lot and her shirt was soaking wet. At the end of the hour, Sam looked exhausted.

Donna sat down on the corner of her desk. Jack handed Sam some water and a towel. She looked wiped out, and he could sense something was wrong. Something she wasn't going to be telling the Lt. He would have to find out later, when they got home.

"So," asked Donna, "How do you feel?"

Sam looked over at her and looked down at her hands, "Honestly?"

"Always, Sam," said Donna, "We can't do this if you keep how you're feeling from me."

Sam looked over at Jack, sitting next to her, "I'm exhausted. Physically and mentally, just like you'd said I would be. And this is only the first session. We didn't really do anything here today. I mean, I didn't move anything."

Donna reached over and touched her arm, "I told you this was an extremely slow process. And I know it doesn't seem like you did anything, but from my point of view you did. When we first started, remember how I couldn't flex that leg any higher than 6 inches off the floor." Sam nodded, "Well, with all of your hard work, we got that up to 10 inches when we finished the exercise. Now I know that doesn't seem like much, but in my world that's like getting a first down on 4th and 2. You need to measure progress in terms of baby steps here. It isn't going to work any other way." She turned to Jack, "You're all set as far as the stretches I want you to do with her?" He nodded, "Okay, once in the morning and once before bed, got it?"

"Got it. Anything else we need to know. I mean for after the rehab sessions? Sam's exhausted, does she go home and rest, do we ice anything? Does she need to stay still?" he asked.

"Sam, you're weakest time is probably going to be in the beginning, as your body gets into the groove as far as the exercising goes. I wouldn't do the shower when you get home. I'd stay with the tub for now. I've had you on your feet for a good hour, and those muscles we flexed haven't been flexed for a good while. If you push too far you risk them failing and that will make you fall. We don't want to take a step back, you know. So use and abuse Jack here once you get home after a session. Once you get some mobility back, and you're stronger, you won't be as beat after a session. Oh, and the ice on the back is good too. So rest and ice and continue to do the exercises. And I'll see you in two days, same time, Okay?"

"Okay," said Sam, "Thanks Donna."

"My pleasure. You worked very hard today Sam, you should be proud of yourself." She said.

"I agree," said Jack, "So why don't we get you home and resting." Sam nodded, "Okay Lt., we'll see you in two." And Jack wheeled Sam out to the truck. 


	11. Chapter 11

As Jack hopped into the driver's side of the truck he noticed Sam was staring blankly out the window. He put the key in the ignition and started the truck. "So, how ya doin?" he asked, putting on his seat belt.

"Okay, I guess," she said.

"Sam, c'mon it's me. Somethin's bothering you. Somethin' you weren't about to tell the lieutenant in there."

Sam swallowed hard, "I'm having a hard time with the amount of time this is going to take." She looked over at him, "Don't get me wrong, Jack, I know Donna is good at what she does, Janet wouldn't have recommended her if she wasn't the best. It's just..." she took a deep breath and let it out, "I got nowhere today Jack, no matter what she said. All we did was stretch..."

"Hey," he said taking her hand, "You weren't watching like I was. She was totally right. All the work and the pain with the stretches did get your range of motion up. That's progress, Sam..."

"But I didn't move anything on my own." Her voice was rising with frustration, "Not a toe, not a bend of the knee, nothing..." Her eyes were threatening to overflow with tears, "When am I gonna be able to move something, Jack? At this rate it's never gonna happen, and you'll be stuck being my nurse forever."

He tightened the grip on her hand, "And that would be a bad thing?"

She turned to him and smiled, placing her other hand over his, "No, it wouldn't be a bad thing at all." A single tear escaped down her cheek and Jack wiped it away with his free hand. "I'm sorry." She said, "I should be grateful that I've come this far...but I just want my life to go back to normal."

"Define normal." he said with a smile.

She smiled back, "Well, I'd like my life to go back to the kind of normal that comes with intergalactic travel and aliens."

"And it will, Sam," he said, "But you're gonna have to take it one day at a time. Look I know you'd like to be in control, so would I if I was in your shoes, but you can't control this. Your rehab isn't some piece of alien technology that you can take apart and study, and figure out how it works in like 3 days. This is a situation where you have to let go of being in control."

She looked down at their hands, "I know," she said, in a low whisper, "It's just so damned hard. I just want to get better as soon as I can."

"And you will," said Jack, "and I'm here to help you however I can, okay?"

"Okay," said Sam, wiping her eyes, "So, how bout we go home now?"

He nodded, "Your wish is my command, m'lady"

The next two weeks of rehab had been the hardest two weeks of Sam's life. Her gung ho attitude had quickly faded, just like Donna said it would. The stretching and moving were extremely painful, and Sam had yet to see how there was any improvement. By the end of the second week, she was getting frustrated. Her work with Donna had enabled her to put some weight on her right leg, but she was having trouble getting the leg to move forward the way she wanted it to. Towards the end of this last session, Sam had promised herself that come hell or high water she would get her right leg to go forward, no matter what Donna said.

"Ok, Sam," said Donna, "One more time, you're doin great!" said Donna. Sam was standing between two parallel bars. She had most of her weight on her left foot and some on her right, while her hands supported her on the bars on either side of her. Donna was right behind Sam, her hands on Sam's hips to help keep them straight. "Try not to swing those hips to get that leg to go, we need it to move forward with it's own muscles. Try it one more time and then we're done."

Sam was breathing hard and sweat was dripping down her face, "I don't wanna stop, I can do this. I know I can." She tried again to get her leg to move forward, but all it would do is move about an inch or so forward. Sam shook her head, "Why can't I get it to move?" she asked Donna, clearly frustrated, "I don't understand why it won't move."

Donna shook her head, "It's ok Sam. Look, let's call it a day."

"No," said Sam, tears in her eyes, "I can do this, Donna. Please don't make me stop."

"Sam, c'mon, I've already let you go an extra 10 minutes, we have to stop." Donna stood in front of Sam, "And I mean now."

Sam nodded her head, "Fine, we stop." Donna wheeled her chair over to where Sam stood. "Have a seat, I'll go get some water and we'll talk about what we're going to do next week." Sam nodded and watched Donna go out of the room to the commissary.

On her way out, Donna ran into Jack. "Hi sir."

"Jack, remember Lt. It's Jack." He regarded her closely, "Somethin' wrong?"

Donna ran her hand through her hair, "You know, rehab is always hard, no matter who has to go through it. But I swear airman and soldiers are the worst ones to try to reason with."

"What do you mean?" he asked, "Everything going all right in there?

"Can I be frank here, Jack" asked Lt. Simms.

"Absolutely," said Jack, leaning against the wall.

"Colonel Carter...Sam, is a perfect example of why rehab is so much harder for airman and soldiers. The resolve we're drilled with. That ability we have to work through the pain and that determination that makes us such great soldiers also makes us the worst kinds of patients." Jack nodded, "Sam is determined to get her leg moving at HER own pace, not at her nerve and muscles' own pace. I keep hitting this wall when it comes to her listening to ME and not to what she believes is the way to go. I swear she thinks I have no clue what I'm doing even though it's my job."

Jack put a reassuring hand on the Lieutenant's shoulder, "Donna, it's not you. That's the way Sam is. One of her best and worst qualities is her ability to get into something, find the problem, and then come up with a way to fix it."

"How is that a bad quality, especially for your line of work?" she asked also leaning against the wall.

"Sam's smart. Ok, more like smart on uppers. She can outthink anyone and everyone I know. And she can get into a problem and usually figure out a solution. She totally gets engrossed in it until she figures out the solution, whether it's a piece of alien technology or a bug in one of the M.A.L.P.s. Problem is, that's all she thinks about. How do I get this to work, how do I fix it? She's just not used to not figuring things out. She's not great with failing at a challenge or a goal she's set for herself. She's used to doing things to solve a problem in a short amount of time. I mean we never really have months to figure out a solution for the kind of problems we deal with. So here not only can't she fix the 'problem' but she can't just do things her way. The timeframe for her mind is all wrong. She really expects that all things being equal, she should be way further ahead than she is. Believe me, if she thought that doing your exercises and stretches all damned day would make everything speed up she'd never let up. Let's just say she's extremely independent. I think it's a 'woman in the air force thing'." Lt. Simms raised her eyebrows, "You know, always proving yourself so you're one of the boys?" She looked at him questioningly, "Oh, I don't know that from personal experience, Sam told me." He looked down at his feet, embarrassed, "So, what can I do to help the situation?'

Donna looked at him, "I'm afraid there isn't much, that is until she crashes and burns. And judging from today's session, I think that will be sooner rather than later.." as she was finishing her sentence they heard a crash, followed by lots of cursing, "I think later might be right now, let's go." She and Jack rushed down the hall into the rehab room.

She wiped her face with a towel, and looked at the bars stretched out in front of her, "I can do this." She said, a determined look on her face, "No matter what Donna says, and I'm sure as hell not going to stop. Wait til she gets back. I'll show her I can do this." Sam pulled herself up to a standing position and tried to focus all of her energy into moving her foot. She started to move her foot, but only about an inch or so, no more than she had done all day, but then she made her first mistake, she put all of her weight down on that foot. Her leg couldn't handle all of the weight and she fell sideways, hitting her head on the bar as she went down.

"Dammit!" said Sam, grabbing the spot where she hit her head. "Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!" She tried to get up but she was so tired. She rolled over onto her back and covered her face with her hands. The tears started out small, but suddenly turned to sobs. Her hands went to fists and she started banging on the mats. She never even heard Jack come in the room.

"Sam? Sam? My god are you alright?" Jack stilled her hands and tried to calm her down. "Did you get hurt?" He looked around, "Where's Donna?"

Sam pulled her hands away from him and pulled herself up into a sitting position. She winced at the pain the movement caused, and that made her angry all over again. "I can't do it!" She yelled at him, "I can't do it, Jack! Why can't I do it? I should be able to do it!"

Jack sat down next to her and gave her a minute to catch her breath before calmly answering her question with one of his own, "Can't do what Sam? What can't you do?"

"I can't make this damned leg move," she said smacking her right thigh, "No matter what the hell I do, I can't make it move." Her eyes were stinging with tears once again. "I have done everything I can think of, but I still can't make it move. Why won't it work," she said, her voice breaking, "All logic says that it should work. That if everything was reconnected that it should work."

Jack could see she was struggling and his heart ached for her. But how did he make her see that this time, she would have to rely on faith; faith in herself, and in her determination and even in her stubbornness. He didn't know what to do. "Sam," he said, kneeling in front of her, "You gotta stop doing this to yourself. You could have really hurt something today. You could have taken a huge step backwards in your recovery."

She glared at him, her voice full of the anger and frustration she was feeling, "Backwards? Really? Well, considering I can't even go an inch FORWARD that wouldn't have really been a huge price to pay would it? I know if I just had more time I could do this. I just have to figure out..."

"Ok, Colonel. You want to do this, get up and do it." He said standing up and holding out his hands, "C'mon." he said roughly, "I give up here. If you're so bound and determined to undermine yourself then let's just go all the way, shall we. You want that one more time? Let's go." Sam looked at him, taken aback by his tone, "Get up, Sam!" said Jack, his voice getting louder and louder. "You really think you can think your way around this? Then get up off your butt and do it."

She looked at him, considering his challenge, and then shook her head, "I can't," she said in a low voice.

"What did you say Colonel?" he asked, his tone even and without emotion.

She looked him in the eyes, trying to keep what little composure she had left, "I can't. My body's not ready for it yet." The tears started to fall freely now. She couldn't get away from the reality of what was right in front of her, "I'm not ready for it yet."

Jack knelt in front of her, and sighed, "Look at me Sam." She hung her head down and he tilted her head up towards him so she had to look at him, "Seems we had a similar experience like this our first night home didn't we?"

She looked at him, "I'm not looking to do this all by myself." She said angrily. "This is different."

"How? How is this different. That first night you would have rather suffered in great pain than ask for help. How is this different?" He reached out and held her hand.

Sam thought about it for a minute and took a shaky breath, "It isn't any different." She looked up at him again, "I'm sorry I tried to push myself. I don't know what I was thinking? I just want this to be over." Her last sentence came out in a whisper and it made his heart ache.

He leaned over and took her in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest while she cried. He stroked her hair, "It's gonna be ok, Sam, I'm right here, just like I promised I would be. I will always be here." She nodded into his shirt.

After a few minutes she pulled away, wiping her face with her hands, "Can we go home now?" she asked.

Jack smiled, "You betcha. That is if you'd like to get your butt off the mat and into the wheelchair." She smiled, "I mean while the mat is all squishy and all, the chair goes back to your house."

"Well then," said Sam, holding out her hands, "Request permission to have you help me get my butt off the mat and into the chair Sir."

Jack helped her up and into the chair. He handed her the towel as Lt. Simms came in the door.

She handed Sam the water bottle. "Sorry it took so long. I got held up by an old friend." She looked at Sam and Jack, "Everything alright?"

Sam looked at Jack, "It is now. See ya in two?"

Donna nodded, "See ya in two."

As Jack wheeled Sam out he cast a glance back at Lt. Simms. She gave him the thumbs up and he nodded just before disappearing down the hall. 


	12. Chapter 12

In the next few weeks Sam and Jack fell into a comfortable routine. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays they would go to the base and Sam would go to rehab with Donna. Jack would work from the base and get things squared away, then he would go get Sam for lunch in the commissary. Lunch always turned into "old home day" and everyone would make it a point to be there for lunch with them. It was evident that they all missed her around the base, and sometimes Sam wouldn't even get to finish her lunch because she was talking too much. By the time lunch was over Sam was exhausted. Most days she'd fall asleep on the way back to her house and Jack would have to wake her up to go inside.

On the days she didn't have rehab she and Jack worked on her exercises and got her up and moving. Donna had Jack come to a session or two so he could see what was involved in getting Sam up and around. So every Tuesday and Thursday Jack and Sam would have their own version of rehab right in Sam's living room. There were no bars for Sam to balance on, so Jack would stand in front of her and hold her arms at the elbows, while she did the same with him. The hold gave her enough stability to try to put more weight on her leg knowing that Jack would be there and wouldn't let her fall. She was doing better since she had accepted that she couldn't control her recovery time. Now, instead of fighting her body, she let her body set the pace, and soon she was making great strides. Before she knew it, that stubborn right leg not only moved more than an inch forward, it had begun to hold some weight. Before long, she was taking a full step forward.

During one of her sessions with Donna she had a breakthrough. As they were walking along the parallel bars, Donna noticed that Sam wasn't really putting a lot of weight on her hands. "Sam?" asked Donna, "You seem to be doing a lot of walking on that leg now."

Sam nodded, "Yeah, I almost have all of my weight on it."

"Do you want to try walking without the bars?" asked Donna.

Sam stopped and looked over at Donna, "Without the bars?"

"Yes, without the bars." Donna looked over at Sam, who was looking at her feet. "Sam? Is there something wrong?"

Sam looked up at Donna, "No. No. It's just...well, are you sure I'm ready for that?"

"You tell me." Said Donna, "I don't see you putting much weight on your hands. I think you're ready to try this without the bars." Donna could see Sam mulling it over, "Sam. It's ok if you don't feel ready yet. I know it can be scary." She put her hand on one of the bars, "These bars that once were such a huge hurdle for you have now become your safety net. They're your training wheels, if you will. If they're there, you can't fall"  
Sam looked over at her, "But," said Donna, "If you don't let go of them, you'll never walk on your own. You have to take the risk. Maybe not today, but soon, ok?"

Sam nodded, "I know I need to try to walk without them. I really thought I would be psyched to get rid of them. But you're right. They're a safety net for me. One I'm going to have to get rid of." She took a deep breath and blew it out. "I want to try it."

"Ok, come on over to the end of the bars," Sam slowly walked her way down the bars to the end. "Alright now, hold my hands, not with any weight on them, just so you're steady. Once you start to move around on your own, you won't need me anymore."

Sam reached out and held Donna's hands in front of her. She was breathing faster now, and getting more nervous by the minute, "Ok, now what?"

"Look at me, Sam," Said Donna, "Don't look at your feet, look just at me."

Sam raised her head and met Donna's gaze, "Ok."

"Ok," said Donna, "Now, try and take that step forward with your right foot. But don't look down at your feet. That's gonna be hard, I know, but you have to remember you don't normally look at your feet when you walk, right?"

Sam nodded, "Right. Ok, take a step forward and don't look at my feet." Sam slowly moved her right leg forward and immediately looked down at her foot.

"Uh uh, look at me Sam, not the foot." Said Donna.

"Right, sorry." Sam again met Donna's gaze and slid her right foot forward.

"Ok, now the left foot. Put your weight on the right foot. C'mon Sam, I know you can do this."

Sam picked up her left foot and moved it forward, all the while putting her weight on her injured right foot. She stopped, a huge smile across her face, "I did it?"

Donna smiled back, "Yes ma'am you did it. You took two steps all by yourself. I don't even think you needed me there."

Sam hugged Donna, "Thank you."

"What for?" asked Donna.

"For this. For believing that I could do this, even when I didn't think I could."

Donna smiled at Sam, "That's one of the reasons I love my job."

Sam smiled back, "Can we do it again? I mean, I'm not going to push it to keep trying?"

"Not at all," said Donna as they began to slowly, step by step, make their way around the room. "Well, Jack will certainly be surprised."

"Oh, don't tell Jack," said Sam, "I want to surprise him."

Donna laughed, "Ok then, it's our little secret."

Jack came to pick Sam up, and they're normal routine continued. They had lunch and chit chatted with everyone and then went home. This time, Jack didn't have to wake Sam up when they got to her house.

Once Sam and Jack were inside, Sam got settled on the couch. "Hey Jack?"

"Yeah," Jack called from the guest room.

"I hate to be a pest, but I was wondering do we have any rocky road ice cream left?" Sam already knew that they were out, but she needed to get Jack out of the house for a little while. Long enough to get herself situated to surprise him.

"Lemme check," said Jack going into the kitchen, "Nope, looks like the well is dry. You want some now?" Sam smiled and shrugged her shoulders, "You just had lunch."

"Well, actually, I didn't really eat my lunch. Cameron was talking, and then Daniel and Vala and Teal'c and well, I really didn't eat much."

"And instead of some real food you'd prefer ice cream?" asked Jack incredulously.

"Look, if you don't want to run out for some, we can just get some later..." said Sam.

"Nope, if the lady wants rocky road, I will get rocky road." He picked up his keys and opened the door, "is there anything else I need to get?"

"Nope, just the ice cream. Thanks." Said Sam.

"Be right back," said Jack and he closed the door.

"And won't you be surprised," said Sam, wheeling into the bedroom.

Ten minutes later Sam heard Jack's truck in the driveway. She could hear him coming up the walk and opening the door.

"Sam? Ice cream man is here." He put down his keys and looked around, suddenly concerned, "Sam? Hey, this isn't funny. Where are you?"

"Just stay there." Said Sam, from her bedroom; "I've got a surprise for you."

Jack put down the ice cream and looked down the hall towards Sam's bedroom. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Sam was walking towards him. She was shaky, but she was walking, by herself. She had this huge smile on her face. Jack couldn't take his eyes off of her. At that moment, walking towards him, she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. As she got close to him she stopped.

"Surprise!" she said, tears in her eyes.

He took a step towards her and pulled her into an embrace, lifting her off the floor and spinning her around. They were both laughing as he put her down gently, "When?" He asked.

"Today," she said, tears of joy running down her face, "I took my first steps by myself in rehab today. I didn't want Donna to tell you. I wanted to surprise you myself."

He wiped the tears from her cheeks, "Well, that's one hell of a surprise." She smiled at him. "So, you never really wanted the ice cream did you?"

She nodded, "Oh yeah I did. I couldn't surprise you if you were in the house now could I. Besides I ate all the rocky road yesterday, and I need rocky road ice cream in the freezer at all times." He shook his head. "Really!"

He hugged her again and whispered in her ear, "I'm so proud of you, Sam."

She tightened her embrace and whispered back, "I wouldn't have gotten here without you, Jack. Thank you." 

"So," he said releasing her, "This calls for a celebration. Cake? Party? Little bit of both?"

"How about dinner, out. Just us. We can celebrate with everyone else this weekend. I just want to celebrate quietly, just you and me." Sam said.

"Okay then, dinner, just us. Fancy or casual?" he asked.

"Well, I can't go dancing just yet, but there's this nice place right on Granger St. that's a little upscale. So let's say fancy. We're celebrating right?' she said.

"Right. Okay, so I'll make reservations for say 7ish and we'll go celebrate." Said Jack.

"I'd better find something to wear," said Sam, "I've been in sweats every day for the last 3 months."

"I've gotta get something to wear," said Jack, "I don't have a jacket and dress pants rolled up in my duffle bag ya know."

"Okay, then you go get what you need to and I'll get myself together. Meet you back here in a bit?" she asked.

"You got it." He said as he opened the front door. 


	13. Chapter 13

_Thanks so much to everyone for your patience. Unfortunately real life intervened there for a while. But, I'm back, and while I was supposed to put this in the last chapter, I totally forgot. So, I think there are 1 or 2 more chapters after this...we'll see. Happy reading! - Christine_

The restaurant was set up like an old time dinner dance hall. There was a small dance floor with a jazz band and tables set back in little coves all around it.

Sam and Jack were led to their table in the corner across from an elderly couple. The older woman smiled at Sam as Jack helped her get into the booth. Jack sat next to her and the waiter handed them menus.

"Did you see that?" Sam whispered to Jack, as she opened her menu.

"What?" asked Jack, "And why are we whispering?"

Sam smiled, "The couple over at the other table. Don't look!"

Jack turned and smiled at them, "What about them?" asked Jack.

"Oh, man, I told you not to look." She smiled courteously at the couple, and then buried her face in the menu. "She smiled at me when we came in." Said Sam.

"And that's a problem?" asked Jack.

"Well, no. It's just, I think she thought we were together." Said Sam.

Jack put down his menu and looked around, "We ARE together, Sam. Unless you've got Teal'c stuffed in that cute little pocketbook you're carrying?"

Sam put down her menu, "You know what I mean. Like TOGETHER." She raised her eyebrows.

"Oh," Jack said, finally seeing where Sam was going with this. "TOGETHER." He started to laugh, "Oh, c'mon Sam, relax. So what if they think that. We're not doin anything wrong. We're out celebrating your breakthrough. And we're friends and colleagues. We just happen to make a very handsome couple."

Sam smiled, picking up her menu, "You're right. We're not doing anything wrong. And well, we do make a handsome couple don't we?"

"Well, I'm handsome. You? You're absolutely gorgeous. You know, I don't think I've ever seen you in a dress before. Well, not counting that blue one with the headdress. And dress blues don't count."

Sam looked down at the menu, "Stop it! You're making me blush. And I'm not gorgeous. I'm an Air Force Colonel For cryin out loud."

The waiter came by and took their orders, and Jack held up his glass of wine, "Ok, I will stop with the 'gorgeous' talk. Even though you are stunning in that dress." Sam glared at him, "A toast. To taking first steps."

Sam raised her glass, "To taking first steps." They clinked glasses and drank some wine.

"So," said Jack, "How long have you had that cute little red dress sitting in the closet, hmm?"

Sam glared at him, "I thought we weren't going to talk about this anymore?"

"C'mon Sam. You look beautiful. And I never get to tell you that, seeing as how we're never in a situation like we are now. Usually we're dodging bullets or staff weapons, or battling aliens. So I'm gonna take the opportunity to tell you that you look awesome in that dress. There, I'm done, I promise."

Sam blushed, "Well, alright. And thank you. It's just...well I'm not used to getting those kinds of comments, being in the Air Force and all. But thank you. I've had this dress for awhile and I figured this night was a good a night as any to finally wear it."

"Good choice." Said Jack taking some bread from the breadbasket.

"You look quite handsome yourself you know. Pretty good for such short notice." Sam reached over and plucked a piece of fuzz off of his sleeve.

"Well thank you. See, I don't need the Fab Five to tell me how to dress now do I?"

Sam laughed, "Nope. Nothing for them to fix here."

They both laughed. The rest of their dinner was wonderful. The food was great and so was the conversation. Sam and Jack were perfectly comfortable around each other. By the time they were ready for dessert they were still deeply engrossed in stories from their childhood. They didn't even notice the elderly couple finishing their dinner and getting up to leave until they were standing at their table.

"Excuse me you two," said the wife, "I just wanted to tell you what a stunning couple you two make. How long have you been married?"

Sam and Jack stared at each other, "Uh..well.." Jack tried to answer but couldn't form the words.

"We're not married ma'am. Just very good friends." Said Sam. Jack shot her a 'thank you' look.

"Really?" replied the older woman, "That's a pity. From afar, you two look like you were made for each other. Oh well, my mistake. I'm so sorry to have bothered you."

"It's ok, really," said Jack, finding his voice.

"Have a good night," said Sam. "Cute couple," said Sam, clearing her throat, "I guess it isn't far fetched to have mistaken us for a couple huh?"

"Yeah, I mean we were together tonight. Only natural to assume we were TOGETHER." Said Jack, shifting uncomfortably

"So, coffee and dessert?" asked the waiter, as he approached the table.

"Uh, yeah, coffee and dessert sounds great. Just great." Said Jack, looking down at his watch. "I mean unless you'd rather..."

"Nope, coffee and dessert sound fine. How about that chocolate chocolate cake?"

"Me too," said Jack. "Thanks."

"Two coffees and two chocolate chocolate cakes coming right up." Said the waiter and he left to get their orders.

"You tired?" asked Jack.

"A little bit," said Sam, "But I think I can still do coffee and dessert. Unless you want to go..."

"Nope. I'm good. Just checking on you. You know, you've had a big day. You need to rest up if you're gonna walk again tomorrow. Hell before you know it, you'll be on active duty again and you can kick my butt out of your house and back to Washington."

For a moment they both fell silent. For the first time since they had started 'living' together there was tension. The good mood they had been in had suddenly gone bad with the realization that what they had now would soon have to end.

Sam looked down at her hands, folded in her lap, "Yeah, um I guess you'll be happy to go back to work in DC?"

Jack started spinning his spoon on the table, "Yeah, right. Happy." The waiter brought coffee and dessert, "Oh look, cake. Let's forget about Washington and eat cake. After all, we're still celebrating right?"

Sam perked up a bit, "Right."

"Ok then. Now this is the perfect way to end a great evening." Said Jack taking a forkful of cake.

"Absolutely," said Sam diving into her slice of cake.

The two exchanged uneasy smiles, knowing that the better she got, the sooner they would have to part company and go back to their lives. Trouble was, could they go back to the way things were? Could Sam and Jack ever go back to being Carter and Sir?


	14. Chapter 14

_Hey everyone, hope your collective Labor Day's went well. Here's another part...and it's getting' so darn good... Christine_

As the days went on, Sam made huge strides in her rehabilitation. In a few short weeks not only was she moving around on her own, she was lifting small amounts of weight on her injured leg. She was getting stronger and stronger by the day, and yet, instead of being happy about it, she was growing sadder ever day. She knew the stronger she got, the closer she got to active duty and the closer Jack came to leaving.

At the end of her latest rehab session with Donna, Janet showed up.

"Hey Janet," Sam said, smiling, "What brings you by?"

"Well, Donna called and told me that you were doing absolutely fabulous and that I should come check you out." Said Janet, taking a seat on the corner of Donna's desk. "I can see what she means. You look great. How do you feel?"

"Good, really good." Said Sam, "I'm still a little sore in the morning, but nothing I can't handle."

"Great," said Janet, "Because Donna has recommended that you go back to active duty."

Sam's face dropped, but she quickly covered, "Well, that's great!"

Janet didn't miss the disappointed expression on her friend's face, "What is it Sam, I thought you'd be thrilled to be back on active duty. No more being stuck at home and all."

"Oh," said Sam, "Um I guess I'm just a little comfortable the way things are, you know?" She looked over at Donna, quickly covering the true meaning of her statement, "Uh, like you know when I didn't want to walk without the bars?"

Donna nodded, addressing Janet, "Sam got so comfortable walking with the bars as her safety net that she didn't even realize she didn't need them anymore, and was a little reluctant to stop using them." She looked over at Sam, "But you did it, just like you will when you go back to active duty. I can see you're ready, but you have to be ready too." Sam nodded, "Look, just think about it. I told Janet I could clear you for light duty right now, but you need to mentally be ready to do it."

Janet looked at Sam, "It's up to you. Just know that you can't avoid active duty forever. Take a few days if you need to, but when you're physically ready for full active duty..."

"I know," said Sam, "Look, if you guys think I'm good to go back to work, then I'll go. I got over my fear the last time and I will now. I've been in worse situations, right?"

"If you're sure," said Donna, "I think light duty for the next few weeks would be ideal in easing you back into running around offworld."

Sam nodded, "Yeah, I'm sure. When would I go back to work?"

Donna looked at Janet, "Well," said Janet, "It's Monday, why not give it the rest of the week and we'll put you on light active duty in one week."

"Ok," said Sam, "One week." She took a deep breath in and blew it out, "I think I could do that."

"All right." Said Janet, "I'll get the paperwork together." She turned to Sam, "I'll talk to you later."

"Thanks Janet," said Sam, turning to Donna. "What about rehab?"

"We'll still do rehab on our schedule for the next 3 or 4 weeks while you're on the base, ok?" said Donna.

"Ok," said Sam, "See you in two then?"

"See you in two," said Donna.

"By," said Sam walking down the hallway to Jack's temporary office. She had so many things running through her head. She was glad to be doing so well physically, but she knew that doing well meant losing Jack. It wasn't like he would be out of her life, just back in D.C. But things hadn't been the same since he went to Washington. There had been no more seeing each other every day. Now there were only daily emails and phone calls once or twice a week, and a day here and there at Jack's cabin with the guys. While she knew they could never have a relationship, being with each other every day and working side-by-side had almost compensated for it.

All of that changed since she had been injured. Now she saw him every day. It was like being given a gift. She had her friend back with her every day and she loved every minute of it. She took a deep breath and shook her head. What was she going to do when he left? The house was so full with Jack in it. From his "singing" in the shower to the way he got into a baseball game, yelling at the screen and the umpires. The house was alive with well, life, with Jack there. What a lonely place it would be when he left. And he had to leave, she knew that. Even if he wanted to stay they were still in the Air Force, and they still had rules to follow. Although the more time she spent with Jack, the more she was beginning to rethink those rules...She stopped in front of his office, took a deep breath, and knocked.

"Come in," said Jack.

Sam peeked her head around the door, "Whatchadoin?" she asked, imitating him.

"Hey," he said, "I'm finishing up some paperwork. I'll just be a minute. Have a seat."

She sat down in the chair across from him, "Wanna get lunch?"

"Sure, I'm starving." He finished writing and put the papers in a folder, "So how was rehab? Donna isn't misbehaving is she?"

Sam smiled, "Rehab was good, and Donna is behaving fine thank you." The smile quickly left and she stared down at her hands.

Jack stopped what he was doing, "What is it Sam?"

Sam continued to stare at her hands; "Janet's clearing me for light active duty on Monday." She didn't look up at him, just continued to keep her eyes glued to her intertwined hands.

"Oh," said Jack, taken aback by the news, "So...you're good to go then. Fit as a fiddle so to speak."

"Guess so," said Sam. The two sat in silence for what seemed like eons. Looking at anything but each other.

"When?" asked Jack finally, spinning the pen on his desk.

"Um, Monday. I go back on active duty on Monday. And I still do rehab 3 times a week for 3 to 4 weeks."

There was more silence before Jack said the inevitable. "I guess that means you don't need me around anymore. I mean, I did say I would stay until you were on active duty right?"

"Or until I could kick your ass," she said, looking up at him, a small smile on her face, "and I don't think I can do that yet."

Jack smiled back, "Yeah, but I think we both know that I have to unfortunately go back to Washington. Whether it's now or Monday." Jack watched her intently, "Sam?"

"Yeah?" asked Sam.

"You're thinking again, I can tell." He said.

She looked at him, "How can you tell?"

"You get that faraway look in your eyes. Like if I stood in front of you waving my arms you still wouldn't see me." She smiled, "So...whatcha thinking about?"

She got up and walked to the other side of the office, staring at a poster on the wall, "What if I didn't go back to active duty?"

"What?" asked Jack, getting up and walking towards her, "Now why would you do that? You've been wanting to go back to work for awhile now."

Sam turned to look at him, her blue eyes filled with sadness, "I...we.."

Jack looked at her intently, "What?"

They stood there, just staring at each other. Finally, Sam shook her head, "Forget it. It was nothing." She turned from him, taking a deep breath and then blowing it out, "Let's just go to lunch."

Jack stood in her path, "You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," said Sam. Sam turned to leave and Jack followed behind her. By the time they got to the commissary, the usual suspects were waiting for them for lunch. When they heard that Sam would be back on Monday they proposed a party, with cake. Sam volunteered her house and they made their plans for Saturday night.

Jack kept his eye on Sam, who kept up with the conversation and the plans, and seemed to be happier than she was while she was in his office. He knew where she was going with the conversation about not going back on active duty. He had thought the same thing about not going back to Washington. But in the end, this is the life they had chosen. Problem was neither one of them seemed to be sure about it anymore. He knew one thing for certain, he didn't want to leave Colorado Springs and Sam, he sensed she didn't want him to leave either. But there was no way for him to stay, at least in the way he wanted to stay. He wanted to be with her as more than her friend, but they both knew it couldn't happen if they both stayed in the Air Force. That didn't make it any easier for him to leave, though, and he dreaded the weekend and the party. That would be his last night home with her. He would have to leave on Sunday afternoon to get back to his life in D.C. A life he was beginning to think had too many rules and regulations to deal with anymore...


	15. Chapter 15

_OMG! Two chapters in one day. Now these aren't the happiest, but they are essential to the big payoff, so enjoy the angst, and hang in there...Christine_

The party was in full swing. Everyone from the SGC was there. There was lots of food, and lots of cake, and everyone seemed to be having a great time.

There had been toasts and hugs and expressions of thanks. The whole thing, while great, was a huge stress on Sam and Jack, who tried to keep their mood light for the sake of the guests. Both of them knew this was their last night together, and as much as they loved having their friends around they both found themselves separately checking the time, wishing everyone would just leave so it would be the two of them alone.

Around 10:00, Jack noticed Sam yawning and started to get things cleaned up. Her friends too saw how tired she was, and they all pitched in to get things tidied up so she didn't have to. Teal'c was the last to go, with a nod and and as she closed the door, Sam leaned back against it and closed her eyes.

"Someone a little tired?" asked Jack from the kitchen. He was wiping the last of the dishes and putting them away.

"A little," said Sam, turning to look at him, "Hey, I thought I told you to leave those. I can take care of them tomorrow." She went to sit on the couch in the living room, "I won't have anything else to do anyway."

Jack looked down at the towel in his hands. He threw it on the counter and sat down next to Sam on the couch. "What're you talking about?"

Sam stared down at her hands, "Wonder if there's any more beer left?" and she quickly got up off the couch. Jack stopped her, catching her hand as she got up.

"Sam," said Jack. "Look at me."

Sam just stared straight ahead, tears threatening to spill onto her cheeks. She held his hand tightly, and then pulled it away, walking into the kitchen.

"Sam?" Jack said again, "Hey, maybe we need to talk."

"About what?" said Sam, raiding the refrigerator for a beer. "Dammit, we're out of beer." She slammed the refrigerator door closed, her emotions getting the best of her. She leaned her head on the door and the tears began to fall.

Jack could hear her from the living room. He waited a moment, trying to decide whether or to comfort her or give her space. But he couldn't bear to hear her cry and he got up and went to the doorway of the kitchen.

"I'm sorry," said Sam, "I've tried all night to rationalize, yet again, why we can never be anything more than good friends." Her voice was beginning to break, "I've spent the last 9 years rationalizing why we can never be, Jack. But that was before I got hurt. That was before you took care of me." She turned to look at him, "That was before I called you Jack." She wiped her cheeks and continued softly, "I don't think I can ever go back to 'sir', and I damn well don't know what to do about it. I feel like my heart is being torn in two, and we aren't even a couple. We've never even kissed." She stared at him, his expression mirroring her own, "I need some air." She went out the back door onto the deck and sat in a chair.

Jack didn't know what to say to her. He felt the same way. He looked down at his feet, and shook his head. What the hell did they do now? He looked towards the door and took a deep breath before going outside. He went into the cooler on the deck and took out two beers. He pulled a chair up beside her and handed her one of the beers. "Here."

She sat there sniffling. "Thanks." She said, taking the bottle from his hand.

"By the way, we have kissed." Said Jack, taking a sip of beer.

Sam's head quickly turned towards him, "We did? When?"

"Never mind," said Jack waving it off.

"No, no, no. You said it, now spill it. When did we kiss? I think I would have remembered it." Said Sam.

Jack started to tear off the label on his beer bottle, "Well, you wouldn't have remembered it. Only I do."

Sam looked perplexed, "Ok, how would you remember it and not me?"

"Ok, remember the time loop thing?" She nodded, "Remember after all was said and done Daniel asked me if I had done anything crazy knowing there would be no consequences?" She nodded again, and then it dawned on her

"We kissed in one of the loops?" she asked incredulously.

"Yup," said Jack, "I waited til the last 10 seconds before the loop was about to begin again, handed Hammond my resignation, and proceeded to kiss you just as the loop ended."

Sam looked out at her backyard, grateful for the darkness hiding the blush that was definitely appearing on her cheeks, "Uh was it...good?"

Jack looked squarely at Sam, "Very."

She nodded, "Oh, well, lord knows that won't be happening again in our universe now will it?" She said sarcastically, taking another sip of her beer, "Did you ever notice how in all the alternate realities we've come across, where there was another 'us', we were always together? This is the only reality where we're just friends."

Jack thought a moment, "You're right. I never thought of it like that."

Sam shook her head, "I don't see how that could be a coincidence. I mean, how could we be more than friends everywhere else but here. It doesn't make sense." She finished her beer, "Any more of these left?"

"You sure? You had a few during the party." Said Jack.

"What? Now you're my babysitter?" she got up and got a beer from the cooler. She sat back down in her chair.

"Ouch." Said Jack.

"I'm sorry. I'm not handling you leaving as well as I had hoped. I know you have to leave. Rationally I know that." She looked right at him, "But that doesn't mean I want you to go. I...just, I just wish things were different, ya know?"

Jack reached for her hand, "Yeah, I know. Me too."

They sat out there for the next hour, just holding hands and enjoying each other's company amongst the crickets chirping in the distance. Eventually they went into the living room and popped in a movie. As they sat together on the couch, Sam leaned her head against Jack's shoulder and they both fell asleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Jack was walking down the hall in the SGC. People were running by him quickly, knocking him around. Everyone was going towards the gate room. Something was happening. He knew he had to find out what it was. "Medical team to the gate room! Medical team to the gate room!" He could hear Walter's voice on the intercom, but it was a little muddled. As a matter of fact everything was a little muddled. 

Jack grabbed an Airman as he flew by, "Airman, what's going on?"

The Airman looked directly at him, "Jack, you know what's going on. Now hurry or you won't make it in time..." The Airman turned and ran with the others.

Jack stopped, "Make it in time for what?" he shouted. He had no idea what was going on, but he had this horrible feeling in his gut. He needed to get to the gate room and now. So he started to run. Slowly at first, and then as fast as his feet could carry him. He turned the corner into the gate room and was shocked by what he saw. Teal'c was standing over someone and he was covered in blood. Daniel was next to Teal'c, obviously injured, as was Cameron. Janet was leaning over someone, begging them to hold on and breathe. As he got closer, his stomach tightened and he couldn't breathe. It was Sam! She was covered in blood, and Janet was trying to get her to breathe. They tried the difibulator several times, and finally Janet stopped, "Time of death," she said in a shaky voice, "0500 hours."

When she put down the difibulator, she turned to Jack, "This is all your fault."

The others also turned to Jack, "Yes Jack, this is your fault." Said Daniel.

"She died because you weren't there to save her." Said Teal'c.

"You weren't there to help her Jack. She would be alive if you had been there..." Said Cameron.

Jack stared at Sam's lifeless form on the ground "Noooooooo!"

Jack woke up sweating and unable to breathe, "Sam? Sam?"

"I'm here Jack," said Sam, going over to him on the couch, "I'm right here." He sat forward on the couch and put his head in his hands, "You ok?" She asked.

"Bad dream," was all he could get out. "Very bad dream."

"Was I in it?" asked Sam.

"What?" asked Jack, trying to clear his head.

"When you woke up, you were calling for me. I wanted to know if I was in the dream?" she asked.

"Unfortunately you were." Sam looked at him quizzically, "You died."

"Oh," said Sam. "Definitely a bad dream."

"And they all blamed me for your death. Teal'c, Janet, Daniel, Cameron. They all blamed me. Said I didn't protect you enough. That you'd be alive if I had been there."

"Jack, I thought we were through all of this. My injuries weren't your fault."

Jack got up off the couch rubbing his eyes, "Yeah, yeah, I know. I know." He shook off the chill that ran through him, "Damned dream." He turned to look at her. "What're you doin up?" he asked, sitting across from her.

"Couldn't sleep," she said, getting up from the couch.

Jack stopped her, "Wait, what's wrong." She turned away from him, but he gently moved her chin so she faced him. Her eyes were red and puffy. "You've been crying?"

Sam turned away from his hand and got up, "I'm fine."

"Sam," said Jack.

"Don't Sam me," she said, her voice rising, "This isn't right Jack. This isn't right and I can't think of a way to make it right."

Jack knew what she was talking about. He put his head in his hands.

"I spent the whole party tonight watching the clock, hoping it would be over so we could have one last night under the same roof." She was pacing now, "And then, everyone goes and we're alone, and it turns out to be the last thing I want."

"What do you mean?" asked Jack, "And can you stop pacing, you're making me tired just watchin you."

"I've been sitting here, watching you sleep. You know you sleep with your mouth open, and...and...make these cute snoring sounds?" Jack raised an eyebrow, "All I've been doing is trying to get the image of you sleeping on my couch burned into my brain, because it's the last time I'm going to see it. The last time I get to just be Sam around you." She continued to pace, her voice rising. She was having trouble getting the words out, and she was starting to cry, "Tomorrow is the last time you'll make me breakfast. The last time I'll laugh out loud listening to you sing in the shower. The last time this house will be full of life. Tomorrow I go back to being single, solitary Carter. The brilliant scientist without a life. And you know the worst part, Jack? I COULD have a life. WE could have a life. And yet neither of us is willing to give in to make it happen." She finally stopped behind the couch and shook her head, her hands in tight fists at her sides. "You know, right before my dad died, he said something to me that I didn't quite catch right then. And now, I get it. NOW I get it. When there's nothing I can do about it."

Jack was staring at her the whole time. Watching her slowly lose her composure right in front of him. He felt the same way as she did. He really didn't want to go, but he had no idea how to stay. He cleared his throat, "What...What did Jacob say?"

Sam sat on the couch, "He told me he wanted me to be happy. And he told me that I shouldn't let the rules get in the way of that." She shook her head again, "God was I stupid. I thought he was talking about Pete, and me but he wasn't. I get that now."

"He was talking about us." Said Jack. "Jacob meant that we shouldn't let the rules get in the way of us being happy."

Sam nodded, her voice low and soft, "And you know what? I've been sitting here and all I can think about is what he said." She reached for his hand, "Jack, I'm starting to wonder why we're worried about the rules at all. If we weren't together you'd still worry about me, as much as you would were we a couple. Look at how my getting injured has affected you. You're punishing yourself for not being able to protect me. You've been worrying about me as more than just a teammate for years. It would be no different if we were a couple."

He looked at her intently, "What do you want to do Sam, break the rules?" She looked away. Jack took a deep breath and blew it out, "We both picked this line of work knowing what the rules were." She nodded. "Look, you've never disobeyed a direct order, or thrown the rules out the window. Well, except the times when you were under alien influence. I know that if you're thinking that we break the rules, then you've exhausted all the other possibilities. Right?"

She looked away, "I honestly don't know. I can't be the scientific thinker right now, Jack. I'm not being rational. My heart is doing the thinking this time, and I can't ignore that. I can't ignore how empty my life is going to be once you walk out that door. I can't ignore the fact that emails and phone calls and sporadic visits won't work anymore. Not after this. Not after all that we've become to each other. I don't want to lose Sam and Jack, do you?"

He traced tiny circles on the top of her hand, "You know I don't. We have been friends and colleagues for 9 years, Sam. I always thought I knew you well. Then I started to take care of you and I realized something. There was this other side of this incredibly beautiful, incredibly brilliant woman that I had never seen before. This injury gave me a gift too, Sam. It gave me the incredible opportunity to see this other wonderful side of you. I don't want to go back to D.C. and an empty apartment. I want to stay here, with you, and as more than your friend. I just don't see how that could happen. Am I happy about it, hell no, but I have yet to come up with anything except me retiring."

"You can't retire Jack, this country needs you." She said, holding his hands tighter.

"And you can't retire because you're brain's too important." He laughed.

They both sat silently for a minute or two, each of them staring at their intertwined hands.

Sam sniffled, and Jack could tell she was crying again. He reached over and gently wiped the tears from her cheeks, "Please don't cry, Sam. I can't stand it when you cry."

She looked at him, "I don't know what else to do, Jack. I don't understand. We've saved the planet more times than I can count, risking our lives time and again, and we're not allowed to be happy because of a rule? God Jack, I tried to move on. I tried to put you out of my mind and get you out of the picture and look where that got me. I almost got married to someone I didn't really want to marry."

"You dumped Pete because of me?" he asked.

"I didn't dump him because of you." She said, looking shyly down at her hands, "I dumped him because he WASN'T you."

Jack reached over and tilted her head up. Her beautiful blue eyes shone with of all of the love that she was never allowed to show him. He wiped the stray tears from her cheeks, leaned over and rested his forehead on hers. Their eyes locked and he had the sudden need to kiss her. She seemed to have the same need and their lips met tentatively, both knowing they were breaking the rules. They broke the kiss, just staring into each other's eyes. The second kiss was full of the underlying passion they had denied themselves for the last 9 years. Jack knelt in front of Sam, his arms encircling her waist. She wound her hands around his neck and buried them in his hair. When they finally came up for air, they again rested their foreheads together, breathless.

"Was that anything like our kiss in the loop?" she asked, taking in ragged breaths.

"Nope," said Jack, Sam eyed him strangely, "It was much better." He leaned in to kiss her again, "Yup, definitely much better. And that one was a doosey."

Sam lifted her head and looked him in the eyes, "We should stop."

"I know," said Jack, taking her face in his hands. "I don't want to stop, you?"

"Uh uh," said Sam, "I don't want to stop either..."

"There's no goin back..."

"Nope," she said, kissing him again, "No goin back."

They both froze when they realized what they were contemplating doing.

"Oh god," said Sam, "We can't. We shouldn't have..."

Jack shook his head, "I know, I know. Dammit to hell. This is not the way this is supposed to be." He reached for her hands again, "Look, you're the brilliant one. There's gotta be something we can do. Something that will appease everyone."

Sam shook her head, "Well, let's see. You can retire. We can both retire. We can lie and sneak around. I mean, think about it. We're not first and second in command anymore, shouldn't this not really apply to us anymore?"

"Ok, here's what we're gonna do. I'm going to call Washington and tell them I won't be leaving til Monday. That gives us all day tomorrow to come up with something. We'll get a copy of the fraternization regs and go over them with a fine-toothed comb and see what we come up with. I'll be damned if we don't fight for this. We've fought hard for everything else. We've busted our asses for our country and this planet. There's gotta be a way for us to be together without getting both of us court-martialed."

A small smile crept to Sam's lips, "You're sure you can stay for one more day?"

Jack leaned over and kissed her again, "Youbetcha."

"Ok," said Sam, yawning, "I think I can get some sleep now. We'll figure this out tomorrow." She looked at Jack mischievously, "Wanna stay on the couch?"

Jack smiled, "I think the couch sounds good, so long as you're there too."

"Wouldn't have it any other way," said Sam as she snuggled up next to Jack, his arm around her shoulder and her head on his chest. She yawned, "Good night Jack,"

"Good night Sam," said Jack, leaning his head on hers, "Sweet Dreams".


	17. Chapter 17

_Hi there! No I didn't forget to write the next chapter. I'm sorry it's been so long. I know this is way too long between chapters, but real life intervened, as usual. I've just started a new full time job, and the training has been all over the place in terms of hours. So I apologize._

_Also, I never put a disclaimer on the story, and I now realize I probably should have. Of course, all the characters from SG-1 belong to MGM, not me. Please do not hold it against me if I improvise on some medical conditions and military documentation. This story is for pure enjoyment only. And since it is science fiction, I have taken some liberties in the medical and military areas to help further the story. Please do not take offense if you are in the medical profession, or if you are in the military. I have the utmost respect for the two fields. - Christine_

The next morning Sam and Jack got right to work. Sam pulled up the regs on her laptop and started going through them, looking for the fraternization part that applied to them.

"Here we go," said Sam, starting to read through the paragraphs.

Jack handed her a cup of coffee, "Now what?"

"Well," said Sam, "I guess we just go through these line by line and see if we can't play with the words a bit."

"Play with the words?" asked Jack, sitting down at the table next to her.

"Well," said Sam, taking a sip of coffee, "maybe the wording isn't as air tight as we think it is."

Jack nodded, "It's worth a try," He took a sip of coffee, "I remember having to read and sign the document that contained all the regs, but that was a hell of a long time ago. I don't think I really read them either. Just kind of did the cliff notes version."

Sam smiled, "I know, I remember reading them too. But exactly what's in them now, line by line, I couldn't tell you."

"You mean the regs aren't stored in that supersmart brain of yours, just waiting for you to spit them out?" he teased.

Sam shook her head at him and smiled. "Nope, this 'supersmart brain' only has room for all the important astrophysics, alien technology, offworld travel stuff. I think the regs got put in the 'I read it once and probably won't need it again' part." She skimmed through the text until she found what she was looking for. "I got it. Let's see...Section 25, paragraph 1. 'While on active duty, officers may not date, live with, or enter into a similar social relationship with any other officer, regardless or rank, who reports directly to them. Such actions could put any and all other officers of the team in immediate danger and undermine any mission both officers were assigned to. While on active duty, officers may not date, live with, or enter into a similar relationship with any other officer, regardless of rank, whom they have direct responsibility or authority. Such a relationship reflects a conflict of interest in making necessary command and strategic decisions. Maintaining any inappropriate personal relationship with another officer, while on active duty, is prohibited. If officers are found to have engaged in, or are engaging in, an inappropriate relationship, disciplinary action, up to and including court-martial will be executed."

"Ok, so for the time you were convalescing, you were off duty, and so me being here was ok as far as the Air Force goes." Said Jack.

"Right," said Sam, leaning back in her chair, "But Monday, when I go on light active duty, we're breaking the rules."

"Right." Said Jack, "So, where does that leave us?"

Sam shook her head, "I don't know. It's not like I can stay off active duty forever. You know? I'm almost fully recovered. There's no physical or psychological reason to keep me from going back to full active duty."

"What was the part about officers who report directly..." Asked Jack.

"Officers may not date, live with, or enter in to a similar social relationship with any other officer, regardless of rank, who reports directly to them." Said Sam.

Jack smiled, "That's it."

"What's it?" asked Sam.

"Well, you don't report directly to me do you?" asked Jack.

"No." said Sam.

"And you don't have any direct responsibility or authority to me, or me to you right?"

Sam smiled, catching on, "Nope. I don't report directly to you, nor do I have any responsibility or authority over you that could compromise a mission or any command decisions." Sam nodded, "That just might work."

"Waddaya mean 'might'? It's pure brilliance." Said Jack, grinning broadly.

"Know what else? The active duty thing might be an out too." Said Sam.

"How's that?" asked Jack.

"Well, you're not a fighter pilot anymore are you?" asked Sam.

"That's what the president tells me all the time." Said Jack, lowering his voice, "'You know Jack, while you're not on active duty, flying bombers and alien space ships, your job here, in Homeland Security, is just as important to the future of this nation and planet. Even though it is a desk job.'"

Sam laughed, "Okay, but it's not like you couldn't go fly a plane or alien spacecraft. I mean, you might not be in Homeland Security forever."

"True," said Jack, getting up to fill his mug with more coffee, "Okay then, the best option here is the responsibility thing right?"

Sam nodded, "Seems like it. But how do we know it's ok to read between the lines? I mean, who can we check this out with?"

Jack took another sip of coffee and nodded, "I'm gonna call Hammond. If there's anyone we can ask about this, it's him." Jack went to the phone and picked up his address book, "And he's retired, so he's not gonna get in any trouble talking about this."

"What're you going to tell him?" she said.

"The truth, that I'm 'interested in' a fellow officer, with whom I have no direct authority or responsibility, and furthermore I don't even work with, and see if he thinks it'll be ok to date her." .

"Oh he's so gonna know it's me," said Sam. "You know that right? He has to."

"Maybe, and so what if he does? Seems like the whole damned base has had a running pool on us getting together for years."

"You know about that too?" she asked incredulously.

"Yup. How did you know?" he asked.

"Janet," she said. "You?"

"Daniel." He found the page with Hammond's number. "Did she tell you there's a pool?"

"Uh huh," said Sam sipping her coffee, "I almost died right there on the spot."

Jack laughed, "Me too. I wonder how much it is?" Sam shook her head. "Well, don't you wonder too?"

She smiled at him, "Just dial will you?"

He took a deep breath, "Ok, here we go." Jack dialed the number and Hammond picked up on the first ring. "Hey there George, it's Jack O'Neill. Yup, I'm just fine. How's the family? Good, good. And the girls? That's great." He looked over at Sam, "Hey listen, George, the reason I'm calling. I have something I want to run past you, but it's gotta stay between us." Jack nodded, listening to Hammond's response, "Yeah, it's personal." He laughed, "Of course I have a personal life." He looked over at Sam shrugging his shoulders. "Uh, well, I'm 'interested in' a coworker and would like to date her, and I just wanted a little clarification on whether or not it's ok under the regs to... Well, yeah, uh, you know her." He looked down at his feet. "Is it really that obvious? Um yeah, she's here with me."

Sam looked at him wide eyed, pointing at herself and mouthing 'me?'. She blew out the breath she was holding, and said in a whisper, "Oh crap, he knows it's me."

"Sure George, hold on." Jack covered the receiver with his hand, "George wants to talk to you."

Sam was speechless, "Me? Why does he want to talk to me? Oh crap, give me the phone." Sam took the phone from Jack and cleared her throat, "Yes sir, hello sir. I'm feeling just fine sir. Oh, sorry sir, I mean George." She started pacing around the kitchen. "Yes. Uh I am the coworker, yes. I understand the regulations prohibit dating between officers. However, they also state that it's prohibited between those on active duty and in direct authority or responsibility for each other. Clearly General O'Neill and I are no longer in that situation, and well, we were wondering if we were clear of those regs since we no longer have any direct authority or responsibility to each other? Or are we pushing the limit here?" Sam looked over at Jack, her expression tight with apprehension, "Yes. I understand." Then her face changed and softened up, and she smiled, "Really? Are you sure it's ok?" Jack moved next to her and she tilted the phone so he could listen. "Okay, then, thank you so much sir...I mean George. Oh hang on, Jack wants to talk to you again." She handed the phone to Jack.

"So, are you in the pool?" Jack shook his head, "Whaddaya mean you started the pool?" Sam started to giggle, "No way! Oh, that's sneaky George, very sneaky. Listen, thanks for the info. We both really appreciate it. Ok. Thanks again, talk to you soon. Bye." Jack hung up the phone and turned to Sam.

"Hammond started the pool? No way. Seriously? But how could a General do that without getting in trouble?"

Jack started to laugh, "Well, while Hammond started the pool, it was officially started by Private Shipper."

"Private Shipper?" she laughed out loud and walked over to Jack, enveloping him in a hug.

He pulled away and kissed her, then leaned his head on her forehead, "So, Colonel Carter, it seems we can, with the Air Force's blessing, officially date. And, armed with that intel, I suggest we plan a hugely romantic dinner..." he kissed her again, "and dessert."

"Yes sir!" said Sam as she leaned in for another kiss...

_Thanks for all of your patience with me. I'm sorry if you guys all thought I'd abandoned the story. I would never do that to my loyal readers or to my story, so thanks for the patience...christine_


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